[taehyung/jeongguk] ; tomorrow.

[baekri]

jeongguk doesn't know how long it's been. it's easy to lose track of the days when they all start to blend into each other, running together in a mess of days and nights that are endlessly repeating themselves. it's not the kind of lifestyle he ever would have imagined. it's not what he wanted, not what he expected, but at least this way he's free from his parents. free from the constant, nagging reinforcement that he isn't good enough and never will be. maybe he isn't. maybe he won't be, but he's here and he's breathing and that's something, isn't it?

the looks that he gets when he wanders the streets have stopped phasing him. he's gotten good at making himself invisible most of the time, anyway. it's a good thing the clothes he was wearing when his father threw him out were mostly black, even if they're fitting a little too loosely now. there's still a tear near the shoulder of his sweater where it ripped against the rough pavement, but the bruise and sting are long gone. his hair is getting longer and a shower would be nice but he can breathe now, more freely than he ever did when he had a roof over his head and food in his stomach. the only thing he wishes is that he could see the stars from the city when it's late and he can't sleep. it's getting colder and the city lights mix with pollution and cast a haze over everything, a dull gray color that he stares at for hours, trying to imagine constellations and galaxies.

eventually he takes up an unofficial residence off of a street that isn't particularly busy. he only comes back to sleep, manages to steal a few things here and there that he can lay down to make the ground less uncomfortable and that fit comfortably into the backpack he carries around during the day. right now it's resting against the stone wall of the building next to his small, cramped sort of alcove. it's not quite an alley but it's enough for him, just big enough to allow him to curl up for a few hours of sleep, at least.

Comments

[starrystarrynight]

He's running away. If he were in a right state of mind, if there was any humor to be found in the situation, Taehyung might have wondered at the absurdity of that statement, toyed with it. He's almost twenty, months away from taking a bite out of university, in the prime of his life, and he's running away. Less than twenty-four hours ago everything had been perfect. No, maybe not perfect. But decent. Good. Whole. He had had a neatly stitched together life, everything almost nearly into place, and in a matter of minutes he had savagely ripped apart the threads and watched the pieces drop lifelessly from his hands. It's not the kind of tear that can be fixed. There's no apology or action that can ever undo the damage. He can never take back what he did.

The sounds fill Taehyung's ears, slick, pained thump thump thump, footsteps heavy as he races off of the fourth train. Screams belonging to three different voices. Flesh on concrete and hands on broken skin, relentless sounds that play in his mind, egging him on. Maybe if he runs fast enough they won't catch him. Maybe if keeps running he can escape from this person he's become. This person that looks like him and pants like him and cries like him and is completely unrecognizable.

Taehyung runs until it feels like his lungs are going to explode right out of his chest, his entire body shaking so hard he has to brace a palm against a wall. He hasn't stopped to catch his breath for the past two hours, and when he looks up he purposefully avoids the bandaged fingers, the bruises on his forearm. He looks around him instead, numb to the knowledge that everything appears completely and utterly unfamiliar. He has no idea what part of Seoul he's in. He doesn't even know if he's on a real street or not, but he must be, the stone building against his fingers solid and tangible against his touch.

Taehyung flinches back suddenly, still panting, feeling everything tilt slightly to the right as his shoulder connects roughly to the wall instead. His body slumps soundlessly to the ground, next to some ragged, unwanted black clothes someone must have tossed out. He makes no move to get back up. He makes no move to move at all.

[baekri]

being a heavy sleeper is something that's done him well out on the streets. jungkook has always been graced with the ability to fall asleep anywhere and everywhere, something that was another source of irritation to his parents. something that kept him from being the perfect son because he slept through countless classes and important study sessions, but he doesn't regret it. he can't regret it now, because if he couldn't sleep like this, on some bunched up blankets laid over concrete with the sounds of the city surrounding him, then he would really be miserable.

it isn't anything like that that wakes him up. maybe it's just because he tends to sleep in short bursts nowadays, but either way it has him blinking eyes open slowly, drowsily slipping back into reality. it's a slow process, a good few minutes to slowly stretch out his limbs before he pulls himself up, rolling his shoulders to try and ease some of the soreness that comes from sleeping on concrete. he's gotten used to it for the most part, stretching arms above his head and yawning, rubbing some of the remaining sleep from his eyes and combing fingers through his hair before he realizes that there's someone sitting right next to him. it startles him at first, until it becomes obvious that whoever this is probably didn't realize that they were sitting next to some nameless, homeless sixteen year old either. shortly afterwards he realizes that this guy is panting and looks like he's shaking and he can't help but be concerned, even though it's a complete stranger and there's still grogginess clinging to the edges of his consciousness. maybe that's why he decides to say something anyway, because what's the worst that could happen?

"um ... are you okay?"

[starrystarrynight]

Closing his eyes, Taehyung stays completely motionless save for the ragged jumps of his chest in his thin shirt. His head thumps back against the wall, the dull pain from the movement making his stomach wrench and his mind race, recalling the images this time. Blood in the floorboards and on his clothes and underneath raw fingernails, his fingernails, caked and dark and not his own. So much more blood than he'd ever seen in his entire life. Even that hadn't been enough to stop him.

Taehyung doesn't feel the black clothes shifting, not really, and only feels half-surprised that there's a voice attached to them. He's only ever lived in Seoul, and while homelessness isn't exactly common, he's seen enough of it to recognize the signs for what they are. He's on the outskirts of the city, no doubt, or at the very least in one of those neighborhoods that could never hope to grace the glossy pages of travel ads.

It doesn't matter. Taehyung begins to hoist himself back up, muttering a robotic apology, only to stop when he sees a pair of sleepy, confused eyes staring at him. Taehyung blinks back, shocked into a completely different silence. He doesn't expect that voice to belong to a kid. He barely looks old enough to fill out the clothes he's wearing, hair falling in too many directions, holding lightly onto a blanket bunched around his waist.

For the first time since it's happened, Taehyung's mind refocuses. Thinks. It's starting to get dark now, and there's something soft in the kid's expression that shocks him even more than before. For three wonderful seconds, he forgets everything.

"Are you sleeping here?"

[baekri]

it's ironic, that jungkook can feel so concerned for this random person who he knows nothing about when he's been living on the streets for weeks now. he's been able to make it, living off of pick-pocketing and the snacks and street food it can buy him every so often, not really moving forward but not moving backward, either. he's still young. trapped in a kind of naivety that won't last forever, but for now he believes that it's okay. he believes that he'll be able to make it just fine on his own, that somehow something will work out and he'll end up where he wants to be. a month isn't long enough to break his spirits, even though some days it feels harder than others when the reality of the situation tries to seep in and rest itself on his shoulders. he's able to keep making it by ignoring it, even if that's not a long term solution. long term isn't something he thinks about when he's just trying to keep himself from getting too cold or too hungry by the end of the day.

jungkook looks at the guy, taking in what he can see with eyes that are still a little sleepy because he's always been slow to wake up and it's gotten harder since living like this. he's tired most of the time now, which is only to be expected. he can't remember the last time he slept for more than three hours or so at a time. it's clear that something's happened to him. it has to be something that's unpleasant or he wouldn't be sitting out here like this, but there's nothing about him that looks or feels dangerous. he looks older but not too old, not old enough to make jungkook feel scared or intimidated.

the stare has him blinking right back, one hand moving up to scratch at the back of his head, more a nervous tick than anything else. he's always been shy and something about the way the stranger comes back with another question instead of an answer taps into that. he glances down at the blanket that's still covering him, considers putting it away but decides against it for now. it's still cold, and there are some rips and holes in his jeans that make it colder.

"um ... yeah," he answers. "i mean, i'm a heavy sleeper, you didn't wake me up or anything."

[starrystarrynight]

It's strange, jarring how suddenly his body seems to snap back from its haze, yanked back to the present. And what an odd present it is, Taehyung's gaze sweeping from the boy to the few belongings at his side to the dingy side-street they're currently sitting in, on some nameless street in some poorer part of the city. He could have run into any alleyway, caught himself onto any structure. Could have just kept on going, kept on pushing, kept on straight out of Seoul and into whatever else came for him. But he's here. What gets him more is how the hell someone like the kid across from him could have ended up here as well.

Because the truth is obvious. Taehyung is fractured, but he isn't stupid. Even if the boy hadn't answered in the affirmative it's painfully obvious that he's made a nest here for some time. Taehyung's eyes sharply rake over everything. They take in the holey clothes, the faint smudges of dirt on pale skin, the thinly veiled exhaustion on the youth's face, surprised to find that his shock isn't fading. That any feeling at all is lingering along.

His response makes Taehyung want to laugh, but it's a hollow, flat sound, and it dies instantly on his lips before it can even reach the younger boy. Heavy sleeper, says the kid living on the street. And he's trying to make Taehyung feel better about it?

The thought sobers him in a way that's unnerving, brows furrowing in speculation.

"How old are you?" Another question, but Taehyung can't help it that he wants to know, that his voice lowers as if he were speaking to a scared child he doesn't want to spook.

[baekri]

it takes a few moments for jungkook to look up again, and when he does he sees that the guy is looking around, taking everything in. of course he isn't naive to everything. he knows the reality of his own situation. he knows what it looks like from the outside, what kinds of things people must think when they see him. it's not like anyone would ever know or guess the truth, and that's more comforting to him than it should be. he'd rather people make up their own stories than know what the real reason is for why he's out here like this.

at the same time, it makes him feel self conscious. at a moment like this especially, because even when people stare at him it's usually in passing. it isn't people who are sitting next to him and actually holding a conversation with him. this guy isn't intimidating, but .. maybe he is. just a little. jungkook is looking down again just as quickly as he looked up, considering his blanket once more.

he's pulled back by the next question. it's expected, but the weird thing is that for a split second he wants to lie. it's a strange impulse, one that's foreign and almost kind of funny. it makes his lips curl at the edges, a small flash of teeth (too big, another source of self-consciousness).

"i'm sixteen." he decides to be honest because there's no reason not to be, and a moment after the words leave his lips he chances another look back up at the stranger. the sleep is mostly gone from his gaze now, leaving it more clear, a mixture of curious and timid and wondering why it even matters to him in the first place.

[starrystarrynight]

If Taehyung were completely, brutally honest with himself, it's a relief. That's why it matters. That's why he's still staying here, drawing this random kid into a conversation, because, at least for the time being, there's something else he can actually fix his attention to. Someone else to cut through the mess he's so rapidly drowning in, sinking in. It's a strange lifeline to hold onto, not even a real lifeline at all--just a kid, just a stranger, just no one, really--but Taehyung still finds himself clutching onto it all the same, desperately trying to keep his head up.

He doesn't miss the timid, almost smile that crosses the boy's face, his features even more innocent pulled together like that. Bunny teeth voices somewhere inside of him, some remnant of the Taehyung from before. The Taehyung who noticed things like that.

Sixteen is even younger than Taehyung expected. Sixteen is laughter in the hallways and stupid mistakes and a world of possibilities, not this, nothing even close to this. What the hell happened to him? Who could have possibly done this to him? Something clenches Taehyung hard at the way the boy looks at him then, and there's a part of him, a huge part, that wants to start running again. Needs to.

But he doesn't.

"It's not safe, you being out here like this on your own. Especially at night." Taehyung hears the words come out of his mouth, hears something eerily close to concern string them all together, hears how his voice sounds huskier than usual. His throat is still raw from the screaming. "There has to be somewhere you can stay."

[baekri]

starting over with taehyung isn't half bad.

it's strange, to say the least. jeongguk never could have imagined that a stranger sitting down next to him while he slept on the street could lead to this. he never could have envisioned himself wandering around the city with a stranger, places neither of them had ever been before, trying and trying again to find somewhere that they could live. it seems insane. it feels insane, but there's something inside of jungkook telling him that there's no reason to be afraid. there's nothing about this that he needs to worry about, that he needs to run from. after spending so much time alone, occupied with nothing but his own thoughts, it's comforting to have someone else around.

but still, he doesn't expect anything from taehyung. not even when they finally find a place that seems alright, one that taehyung deems suitable and jeongguk can't help but think that it feels like home. it feels like it could be home, even if home is going to be a studio apartment, one bathroom, space shared with someone he knows absolutely nothing about.

it doesn't matter. it doesn't matter because they eat some kind of instant ramen on the floor and jeongguk is still wearing taehyung's clothes and he doesn't have anything to unpack and put away but it already feels like something. it's better than living on the streets. it's better than being hungry, tired, cold, all of those things. it's all like a dream. like a weird, cruel dream that he'll eventually wake up from and find out that taehyung isn't real at all. how could someone like taehyung exist? someone so willing to do all of this?

he does. he does exist and he insists that jeongguk sleeps on the small bed that they lucked into, the one that some previous owners left in the place. he always makes sure that there's something for them to eat. he goes job hunting during the day. sometimes he takes jeongguk with him and sometimes he lets him sleep in. sometimes he takes walks, trying to get familiar with their surroundings and taking in everything that's happened. he's still just as free as he was when he was on his own. it's just that this time he has a chance to survive, and as naive as he is, he realizes that.

they start over and make small talk in between. it isn't a lot, not like sharing life stories and deep secrets, but it's enough that as time passes jeongguk starts to feel more and more relaxed around taehyung. he still speaks politely, but not formally. his smiles grow more genuine and less shy and uncertain, though it still comes up from time to time. it's natural. he can't help it. but he feels safe around taehyung.

he feels like his life is starting over. or like it's just moving forward, like he can finally keep going now.

it feels good, and he doesn't regret it, even for a moment.

[starrystarrynight]

Taehyung stands in front of the counter for a long time, considering each individual cupcake behind the glass with the kind of consideration one might pay famous works of art in a museum. This is the second most important thing he's done all week, so he has to get it right. It's not even a question. Eventually, he settles for a classic vanilla with bright red icing--because Jeongguk's tastes are particular (picky would be Taehyung's honest opinion) and the color is his favorite. It's perfect, and Taehyung bows in gratitude to the cashier, not even considering the dent in his wallet.

In fact, for the first time in what feels like a very long time, money is the furthest thing on his mind. But it definitely hadn't been easy. In the beginning, Taehyung had been optimistic--too optimistic--with what he thought he could afford for the two of them. He had thought for sure his stash would get them through at least a month if needed, if he were careful enough. But new clothes and food and everything else Jeongguk needed of course took precedent, eating up the bulk of what he saved up. So a studio apartment it was. Beggars couldn't be choosers. And beggars certainly couldn't expect cable TV or a well-stocked pantry or homey decor.

But still, it's theirs. All of it is theirs, and with each new day the space starts to become a little bit more like home. The smallness begins to feel cozy, the stark walls softer with the few posters Taehyung's managed to snag from bins, the kitchen a little brighter when he cooks for the two of them. Nothing fancy, because they can't afford fancy. But it's so much more than what Jeongguk had before, so much more than the life he had been scraping by with before Taehyung came around, which means it's more than enough for the older boy to be satisfied.

The kid is starting to take to it well, too--he's sleeping more, eating more, talking more. They're not quite strangers living together, though they're not quite more than that either. It's a unusual set-up, Taehyung's more than aware of that, but it's the littler things that mean the most to him, that get him through another exhausting day of walking up and down the city to find work. Things like learning Jeongguk could sleep the entire day away if left to his own devices. Things like shared laughter at the poor excuse for a microwave they have. Things like Jeongguk dropping the formalities and sometimes sleeping in the old T-shirt he loaned him and relaxing his smiles.

Things like knowing when his birthday is.

It's a little past their normal dinner-time when Taehyung finally unlocks the door to their apartment, kicking off his shoes in the entrance way with a lingering "I'm home~" that he knows will carry through the thin walls. He sets the prettily wrapped box in his hand down on their small table, shrugging off his coat a moment later. He's still buzzing with the energy of the afternoon, the knowledge that things will be turning around for him, for both of them--and he can't help but be a little disappointed when he doesn't see a familiar figure coming to greet him. Which can only mean one thing, really.

Taehyung cracks open the door to the single bedroom, shaking his head in amazement at the way Jeongguk's splayed out in every corner of the mattress, dead to the world. There's a part of Taehyung that finds him way too adorable to wake up right now--but the bigger part of him needs him awake, because he's pretty sure he can no longer contain the good news he's been carrying around all day.

"Jeongguk-ah," he murmurs, gently patting the kid's sleep-puffy cheek. "Hey. I'm home. Wake up, I have something for you."

[baekri]

today is one of those days. it's one of those days where he's been left to his own devices, where taehyung didn't wake him up early or insist that he get dressed and drag himself out of the house to join him on what seems like an endless job hunt. jeongguk only discovers that when he wakes up sometime around mid to late morning, when the sun shining in through the small window coaxes him out of sleep just long enough to realize that he's home alone. maybe he wakes up for a little while, just long enough to sleepily shuffle around and pour himself a bowl of cereal. maybe he washes it. maybe he puts the spoon in the wrong place because he isn't thinking clearly but he definitely ends up right back where he was, comfortable under the blankets.

today is jeongguk's birthday, and the thing is, he doesn't even know it.

it's easy to lose track of time. there's no reason for him to keep up with it anymore, at least not lately, and no real way for him to do so. he doesn't remember how much time has passed, and he doesn't even really remember letting his birthday slip to taehyung in the first place. it's just not the kind of thing he's thought about.

so he's fast asleep when taehyung finally comes home, despite it being evening by then. it's like his body is still catching up on all the sleep it lost (or maybe he just likes sleep too much in the first place), but, really, the only reason he wakes up so easily is because he's already gotten in at least twelve hours. but it doesn't keep him from blinking one eye open sleepily, drawing in a deep breath and stretching his arms up over his head before he even fully registers what's happening. "hyung?" is what he finally comes out with, voice heavy with sleep as he reaches up and runs one hand through his unruly bedhead hair. "what...?"

[starrystarrynight]

Taehyung softens into a smile as he watches the boy take his time in waking up, all slow, languid movement and shaggy bed hair. Then again, Jeongguk seems to have permanent bedhead hair no matter what he's doing. He should probably take him somewhere to get it trimmed soon, Taehyung muses to himself as he casually combs his fingers through the black locks, helping him try to manage it. Something as simple as a haircut would have been practically impossible a week ago, but with normal paychecks coming in soon, Taehyung can properly look out for him the way he wants to. The way he should be looked out for.

"I have something for you," he repeats, amusement crinkling the corners of his eyes as he gives the boy another encouraging pat. He's learned the hard way that if you don't keep a close eye on him in the first ten seconds Jeongguk could just as easily start to nod off again. "But you need to come to the kitchen."

With that, Taehyung leaves to get everything ready. Cupcake out of the box, on one of the few nice plates they own. Fork he picked up from a resale shop, like the rest of their utensils. He bought a pack of birthday candles the other week when they were on sale, so he gets that out too, taking care to place one right in the middle, just like they do in the nice dramas.

Unlike Jeongguk, Taehyung's kept track of the dates. He's paid attention. And maybe it's a weird thing to do, but it's important that Jeongguk believes that this is important, that this matters. Because it does.

And so he waits, settling down with the plate onto the floor, which has had the double responsibility of hosting all their meals. Hair cut and chairs--those will definitely be first on the list.

[baekri]

it's a testament to how comfortable jeongguk is with taehyung, really. because it isn't so much that he's exhausted to the point of not being able to resist sleep now, but more than he likes to do it and doesn't feel guilty or uncomfortable about indulging himself. in a lot of ways they're still strangers, but in others, taehyung already feels like family. like the way that he brushes fingers through his hair and jeongguk doesn't flinch, doesn't draw back or try to push him away. instead he just yawns, blinks both eyes open this time and he can't deny that taehyung's words spark some kind of curiosity inside of him.

because the thing is, jeongguk doesn't expect anything from taehyung. he didn't expect anything from him that first night, and he still doesn't. even if he doesn't say it often or explicitly, he feels lucky enough just to be here. taehyung is already doing too much by taking a random boy off the street and taking him in, so he's more than happy for everything that he gets. he can't imagine what taehyung would have gotten for him, why he would say something like that, but the curiosity matched with taehyung's touches were enough to pull him out of his sleepy daze this time.

at least, it pulls him out enough to get him out of bed a few moments later, adjusting his shirt and giving one more absent-minded swipe of his fingers through his hair on the way to the kitchen, pushing it out of his eyes. he's padding across the hardwood floor with gentle steps that halt as soon as he's close enough to see taehyung sitting on the floor, a single cupcake on a plate in front of him with a candle. for a moment, he's confused. his brow furrows slightly, his lips well on their way to asking taehyung what he's doing but then he doesn't, because it hits him.

as soon as the realization starts to settle in his eyes go wide instead, the lingering haze clearing after a few rapid blinks. he makes his way closer, carefully settles down cross-legged on the floor across from taehyung, expression a mixture of confusion and surprise and something almost like disbelief.

"what's ... is it .... hyung ... it's the first?"

[starrystarrynight]

Taehyung knows curiosity will get the better of him. He also knows that despite the fact that they're still getting accustomed to each other, Jeongguk listens to him--listens to him like a younger brother would. Taehyung can't help but feel a sense of pride whenever Jeongguk calls him hyung, the name getting more and more frequent the more relaxed the boy becomes around him. Taehyung doesn't have any siblings himself, and the closest thing he even has to a brother is his older cousin, Seokjin. But even that's not quite the same, with all the years separating them, with Seokjin always existing on a completely different level, already grown up when Taehyung was taking naps in homeroom.

Taehyung takes to the new role like a fish to water, so effortlessly slipping into the shoes of an older brother that sometimes it feels as if they've known each other for longer than just a couple weeks. But then, he's always been one to take care of things. He's used to helping out his mom make ends meet, he's used to getting by without a dad, he's used to protecting those close to him--even if it wasn't always right. There's a thin scar on the back of his hand now, but he doesn't think about it. You have to acknowledge something in order to think about it.

Taehyung watches Jeongguk shuffle into the room, looking every bit as sleepy as when he was horizontal. But then something catches, some realization makes his eyes go all big and round like a cartoon character, and Taehyung can feel the sudden tightness in his chest ease like a balloon. The kid honestly had no idea. He's been seventeen all day, and he didn't even have a clue. How can Taehyung not want to look out for him?

He smiles easily, maybe the first easy smile to reach his eyes all week. "Mm, it's the first. And by default that means you have to eat this." As Jeongguk settles across from him, he takes out a match from the pocket of his jeans, sparking it to life and carefully lighting the delicate candle between them. The flame glows in the dim apartment, all soft warmth.

"Happy Birthday, Jeongguk."

[baekri]

it's not like jeongguk isn't used to being home alone. most of the days that taehyung spent out hunting or jobs jeongguk spent just hanging around their apartment, though he did do his best to keep things reasonably tidy, to try and at least pull some kind of weight because there isn't much else to do. but after his birthday, once taehyung came home with the announcement that he would be starting a real, actual job soon, jeongguk couldn't help feeling something settle into the pit of his stomach, something that came to rest there alongside the happiness and excitement.

he can't help that he wants to do something. he can't help that nagging sensation because he doesn't like it, doesn't like feeling like he's just an extra burden, another mouth to feed and more clothes to buy and more things for taehyung to worry about and take care of. and the worst part is, he knows that taehyung doesn't see it like that. taehyung is too good of a person to see it like that, and that's another reason why it all starts to pile up unpleasantly in the back of jeongguk's mind.

so when the idea hits him, he doesn't know why it didn't come up sooner. it feels like a stroke of genius when he pulls on some of the new clothes that taehyung bought him, when he's brushing his hair back so he can see properly, set out on a mission that honestly doesn't take long to accomplish. he's used to it. he's good at it, good at staying invisible for the most part, good at being sneaky and getting what he needs without drawing attention to himself. today is no exception. today he's lucky enough to score a decent amount of bills with just one pickpocket, and it's good enough to let him relax, take his time scouting out the perfect restaurant.

by the time he gets back to the apartment, judging by when taehyung told him that his work day would be over, he knows that it shouldn't be long until he gets back. so he makes sure that everything is where it should be, makes sure that there's a pair of chopsticks for each of them and more than enough food set out in the spot on the floor that it seems they've designated as their makeshift table. they haven't eaten anything like this in a while, so he can only hope that taehyung will be just as excited about it, that he'll be as happy as jeongguk feels for being able to provide something for them, even if it's something small.

[starrystarrynight]

It's been a long time since Taehyung's done this kind of work--and done this much of it. A full nine hour day, what with him coming in early and staying late to help out with the last customer of the day. He wants to do everything he can to make a good impression, to show that he's serious about this job, committing himself to it with the same dedication and work ethic that's been drilled into him from a young age. Only now the stakes are much higher. He's not just helping his mom make ends meet, chipping in when he can to make some extra cash. How much he works, how hard he works is all he has to keep them afloat. It's what's going to keep him and Jeongguk off the streets. It's going to keep feeding the kid, clothing him, looking out for him the way Taehyung had promised he'd look after him.

He can honestly say he feels exhausted when he shuffles his way up the four flights of stairs to their studio apartment, his body bone-tired and stiff from the constant bending and hunching over. But even more than that, he just feels grateful. Namjoon is a good guy, fair, honest, someone with a business savvy head on his shoulders despite the fact that he doesn't look too much older than Taehyung himself. The other worker scheduled that day--Hoseok--seems alright too. Much chattier than his boss, but it was kind of nice to listen to, to feel like he was a part of something. Or beginning to be.

The best part--he would get paid in a week. Taehyung feels like he's been dreaming of the day for weeks now. Finally having the opportunity to get real food, to take Jeongguk to get his hair cut, to get some more furniture, to just get some more life in here is almost too good to be true.

For now, though, he'll settle on fixing up some instant ramen for the two of them--their every-other-night dinner. He's sure they still have a couple boxes of it. It'll be easy, quick, and then he can lay down and rest for a little while. Catch up with Jeongguk while he puts his feet up. Perfect.

"I'm home," he calls as he locks the door back behind him securely, in the middle of kicking off his shoes when the smell hits him. A pretty damn amazing smell, actually--and definitely not instant ramen.

His gaze travels to Jeongguk, who's sitting cross-legged and expectant on the floor, but that's not what makes him pause. It's the several cartons and bowls of food in front of him, everything perfectly placed and steaming. Freshly made. Freshly made and real and not ramen. Taehyung swears he even sees galbi there and his mouth waters right on the spot. It's all a very enticing but very confusing image, brow furrowing as he tries to make sense of the unexpected feast.

"What's all this?"

[baekri]

jeongguk is definitely a kid who's had to grow up quickly, maybe too fast. sometimes he's capable of thinking beyond his years, of pulling out a maturity that he probably shouldn't even have to think about just yet. but that doesn't change that fact that he's barely seventeen. it doesn't change the fact that, at the end of the day, he is still young. he's young and he tends to act on impulse from time to time, survived on it, really, up until now, so there's no reason why it should come as a surprise that he doesn't actually think about it. he's too focused on his excitement to properly examine the situation from every angle.

so he doesn't. he doesn't think about the fact that of course it doesn't make sense that he would be able to get them a meal like this. he doesn't think about the potential negative reaction once taehyung finds out, about the possibility of taehyung finding out about the food being the product of stolen money at all (even though, of course he will). it's the product of that naive sort of excitement, the very thing that proves just how much he does need taehyung, whether he realizes that or not.

all he thinks about is how excited he feels, especially when he hears the door open and sees taehyung's familiar form coming inside, kicking off his shoes before he seems to realize just what's waiting for him. and jeongguk can't help but grin up at him from his spot on the floor, too wrapped up in that mixture of excitement and pride, real pride at being able to give taehyung something for the first time, to properly notice the furrowed brow and confused expression.

"it's dinner," he answers simply, gesturing to all of the food perfectly set out in front of him. "and kind of .. another celebration? for your first day. i knew you'd be hungry, and ... you deserve it."

[starrystarrynight]

It becomes clear pretty quickly that the simple night Taehyung had envisioned for them--quick dinner, some chatting, bedtime--isn't going to be so simple anymore. In fact that weariness on his shoulders is settling into a new kind of weight now, one that's somehow even heavier than before. Seeing the other's bright expression, just how happy Jeongguk looks..he's staring up at him like he's showing off a good grade at school, wanting to make him proud. That's probably what does him in--how well-meaning and naive it all is.

He knew Taehyung would be hungry, so he got food. He wanted to do something for him. So he just got it.

Taehyung slowly loops his bag off his shoulder, that feeling deepening as he pads closer to the boy with measured steps. He folds himself down into his usual position across from Jeongguk and surveys the food again--it looks so much more extravagant up close like this, so misplaced in their minuscule, barely running kitchen. There's plenty for the two of them, beef, side dishes, drinks, even the chopsticks are neatly balanced on their bowls and just waiting to be used. Jeongguk certainly didn't spare any detail. It makes Taehyung feel even worse.

"Thank you," he says as if in thought, conflicted, still looking down at the food. "But...Jeongguk." He looks back up at the boy, searching him instead. "How did you get all this?"

He knows how, of course. Just like he knows this couldn't have been the first time. Just like he knows this is something Jeongguk probably didn't have any choice in before, back when he was on his own--stealing to get by. It makes too much sense and yet no sense at all. All of a sudden that first night comes tumbling back in his mind, along with a fresh new wave of anger at whatever--whoever--had put Jeongguk in that situation in the first place.

[baekri]

maybe it's yet another hint to just how naive jeongguk is, just how blind he can be sometimes to things like this. or maybe the problem is just that it's been a while since he's dealt with a reaction like this, with anything that could potentially be negative. maybe he's too close to taehyung, too comfortable, comfortable enough that he's stopped being careful, stopped thinking about potential reactions to what he says or does.

or maybe it's just that this has become so common for him, so normal, that it's too easy to forget that that isn't exactly the case anymore.

either way, he doesn't read into the slow way that taehyung reacts, his careful steps and the thoughtful silence that seems to wash over them before he starts speaking. the thanks makes his heart swell in just the way that he had anticipated, just the way that he wanted, and it brings a bright smile to his face.

but. that one word is enough to pull him back down to reality, everything that follows crashing down slowly but less-than-gracefully and he can feel the expression slowly slipping. all of the things that he hadn't thought about suddenly come rushing in at full force, and he realizes that he has no idea what to say. he could lie, maybe. he could try to, but it's taehyung, and the feeling starting to well up low in his stomach is something he hasn't felt since .... well, he doesn't want to think about it. but he doesn't want this to happen, either. but it already is, so he might as well be honest.

"i just ...." he stammers slightly, trips over his words like he hasn't done since the first night they met. suddenly, it's impossible to look up at taehyung.

"you've been working really hard, hyung. you've done a lot for me and i know i'm not ... i just. i know i'm good at it and i ... i guess i just wanted to do something for you."

[starrystarrynight]

Just like that the kid's expression falls, slipping into something Taehyung honestly can't stand seeing. It's the same kind of hesitant, deflated look Jeongguk had that very first night, the same unsure voice, and there's a very real part of Taehyung that wishes he hadn't said anything at all. The last thing he wants to do is make Jeongguk feel like this--make him feel as if he's in the wrong, that he's not appreciated, that he can't help in the way he so clearly wants to. Because none of those things are true.

But he stops himself from veering too far down that path. Jeongguk absolutely cannot do this. Notwithstanding the fact that he doesn't need to anymore--the fact that Taehyung is more than capable and willing to support him--it's also just incredibly dangerous. What if Jeongguk got caught? What if he got into trouble? Or worse, what if Jeongguk was discovered as a minor, with no parent or legal guardian watching him? Taehyung doesn't know the ins and outs of all of that yet (and he's definitely planning on doing his research), but he knows it can't lead to anything good. Just the thought of Jeongguk being sent back to wherever he came from, back to whatever it is he so desperately wants to forget about...

No, Taehyung wouldn't forgive himself if he let the boy put himself in that kind of position. There's already too many things he can't forgive himself for--this isn't going to add to the list.

And still he finds himself softening at those words, Jeongguk's naive, genuine intentions momentarily pushing aside his thoughts. "I know you did," Taehyung says gently, wanting him to see that he understands, that he's trying to. "And I appreciate you wanting that."

"But the thing is...you don't need to do this anymore. You don't have to worry about that. We have money now, we're going to be okay. I just need to know that this is the last time. If something had happened to you tonight, if you had gotten into any trouble..." Taehyung sighs and trails off, not even wanting to finish the thought.

[starrystarrynight]

In Taehyung's humble opinion, it's more than okay. He's been at his new job for a solid week, there's been no more impromptu meals, he got his first paycheck just like scheduled, and now he finally has the means to get down to the really important things--like getting Jeongguk that haircut.

He may have had to do a bit more convincing than what was really necessary (You can't see, he had to keep reminding the kid), but in the end, it all worked out fine. Taehyung led the reluctant seventeen year old to a nearby salon, sat him down in a chair, and let the professionals do what they do best. It hardly took any time at all, and once it was all said and done Taehyung found he just couldn't stop smiling at the boy in front of him. It's amazing what a simple trim did to him, his features. He looked more open, awake, present. Looked like the seventeen year old kid he was supposed to be.

And yeah, he definitely made the right decision not to cut Jeongguk's hair himself.

"Told you it wouldn't be so bad," Taehyung says as they walk out together, shoulder pressed to shoulder in the brisk September air. There's a new jacket on Jeongguk's back instead of Taehyung's old one--a jacket that's all his, that he doesn't have to feel ashamed about. Taehyung sometimes wonders if this feeling of gratitude, this crushing relief that he was able to get to a place to truly support the two of them will ever fade, though it doesn't feel like it. It certainly doesn't feel like it now, coming off of a great week, walking in this autumn air that seems to make all of Seoul just a little cozier.

"Right?" he nudges the younger boy, burying his fingers in the freshly cut hair and giving a good ruffle. His fingers glide through the soft strands, and there's a rush of warmth that follows, making him pull Jeongguk in closer in a brotherly sort of way. "You look good like this."

[baekri]

jeongguk can't even entirely explain it himself, why he's so reluctant to get his hair cut. because he knows that taehyung is right. even as much as he wants to keep it, as much as he enjoys the strange symbol of something almost close to rebellion, a small, innocent thing that he had always wanted but could never have ... he does need to be able to see.

and the trim doesn't look so bad.

all of the things about it that he liked, they're still there. he still feels like himself, but a different version of himself. despite all the bad things, all the negativity cooped up and shoved somewhere in the back of his mind, somewhere where he hopes that maybe it can just shrink and eventually disappear ... especially now, it's starting to feel more like a good thing. he's starting to feel that freedom, like maybe, just maybe, he'll be able to be himself. actually be himself, in a way that he knows with complete certainty he never would have had if he had stayed.

it's already funny, strange when he tries to push his hair back from his eyes out of habit just to realize that he doesn't have to anymore. it's a nice feeling, being pressed shoulder to shoulder with taehyung, wearing a new jacket with his new haircut and it's almost enough to make him feel like an entirely new person. it's definitely enough to bring a smile to his face, one that doesn't fade as taehyung ruffles his hair. it lingers instead, and jeongguk isn't entirely sure what it is that brings a strange rush of warmth over him as well, something that starts to rush up to his cheeks when suddenly taehyung is tugging him even closer.

it doesn't matter, because it's over before it happens.

jeongguk feels the collision, feels himself colliding with something - someone - but it takes his mind at least fifteen seconds to catch up even after his body has stopped to try and process. by the time he finally does, it's probably too late to apologize. it probably is but it doesn't stop the words from trying to come up anyway, trying because they fade and die on his tongue the second that he looks up.

it's like a nightmare. it has to be a nightmare, but when he blinks nothing changes. it doesn't go away, even when suddenly the sounds of the city rushing around them seem muted, when everything fades into a strange, dull background that doesn't make any sense. he hears it and doesn't hear it all at once, the way that his mother says his name - jeongguk? - like it's a question. like she can't believe it. and he can't believe it either. he can't believe that here, here in seoul, at least four hours away from busan the person he just ran into on the sidewalk is his father.

suddenly, he feels very small. he doesn't feel his age; he feels even younger. he feels like nothing. he feels all of the bad things rushing back, washing over him with a vengeance, crashing down so hard he could probably drown under the weight of it. he almost wants to, because that would be better than dealing with this. he doesn't know how to deal with this.

in the end, he doesn't. all he can manage is a stare, somewhere between terrified and a deer caught in the headlights. his heart is pounding, blood rushing so loudly in his ears that he almost misses the short exchange.

it's just like i told you; it wasn't a mistake. look at how he's living. i knew he'd find someone.. being taken care of by an older man like this, and so quickly.. it's disgusting. just imagine how often he must have been doing this before, blatantly disrespecting us in our house ...

there isn't any more to hear. the words trail off. jeongguk doesn't even realize that it's because they've carried on, because a few moments of time were all that they could spare. disgusting. he's disgusting. they think that he's disgusting. the echoes were just starting to fade into something barely there, into something that maybe, with enough time, could have been nothing. but he can feel them coming back, pulling themselves up to the surface along with everything else. how could you turn out like this? what did i do to deserve a son like you? it wasn't a mistake. it's disgusting.

jeongguk doesn't even realize that he's just been standing there, unmoving, still staring at the space where his parents were moments ago. like somehow he expects them to reappear just to haunt him again.

[starrystarrynight]

The thing is, getting to this point with Jeongguk has taken a while. Getting to this kind of familiarity, the kind of rapport and comfort that makes even playing with his hair a possibility is something that Taehyung doesn't take lightly, has never really taken lightly. It's not just that he wants to get to know Jeongguk more, understand the younger boy better--he also wants Jeongguk to get to a place where he can feel comfortable as well. He knows that will take more time. Maybe a lot more time. But in moments like these, seeing Jeongguk open up with that smile of his...it feels like they can get there. It feels like they'll be okay for a while.

Taehyung's too focused on the boy to notice the pair moving straight toward them, to notice anyone at all really, but he certainly feels the impact. Jeongguk's still pressed against his body, and when he's suddenly pushed back it's a domino affect against Taehyung, causing him to unconsciously grip onto the boy's shoulder a little tighter, keeping him close. It seems like nothing more than an accident--they're walking in a busy neighborhood in Seoul, of course it's going to be crowded--and Taehyung would have easily brushed it off.

Would have, if it weren't for the fact that when he glances at Jeongguk to be sure he's okay the boy isn't moving at all. Isn't doing anything besides stare at the woman in front of him, the one who had apparently run into the pair of them. Taehyung's brow furrows, caught between looking at Jeongguk and the strange, unfamiliar woman. Jeongguk's wearing a look he's never seen before, and he's gone completely rigid against Taehyung. It's as if he's just seen a ghost.

And then--Taehyung doesn't think he hears it right. His name? She knows Jeongguk? She must. And the man next to her, he's looking at Jeongguk too, looking...dismissive. Repulsed. Just as Taehyung gets a good look at them they're starting to walk off in the opposite direction, the man's voice coming back in bits and pieces.

Taehyung's mind is a cloud of confusion, trying to process the past five seconds, what the hell even just happened. He turns back to the retreating backs of the man and woman, staring after them briefly before something hits him. It wasn't a mistake. Look at how he's living...blatantly disrespecting us in our house....

Our house. Their house. Jeongguk's house.

As usual, Taehyung's body reacts the fastest, swinging back to Jeongguk who's own body seems to still be frozen at his side. There's no way. There's no way it's like this. This isn't what happened to Jeongguk. It can't be. And yet somehow Taehyung manages to breach the question.

"Jeongguk...were those your...?"

[baekri]

in all honestly, for a few long moments, jeongguk forgets that taehyung is there at all. it doesn't matter that his arm is still wrapped around him, doesn't matter that he's still pressed close, that he's very much present and looking back and forth, trying to make sense of what just happened. jeongguk doesn't see any of that. he doesn't feel it. for a brief moment, it's like he's disassociating with reality. like it's an out of body experience. like this isn't happening to him, because it can't be. because this is exactly what he got away from, isn't it?

but then taehyung speaks. it's impossible not to hear it, the sound of his voice. at first, jeongguk's gaze slides onto him slowly. he still hasn't caught up. there's a silence, a pause.

and then he does.

suddenly, everything crashes down on him all over again, but harder than before. it's almost enough to knock the wind out of him, the realization a harder truth to swallow than any of the rest of it. it was bad enough already. it was bad but now it's worse. it's so much worse because taehyung is here. taehyung is here and taehyung has been here the whole time, taehyung heard everything and taehyung knows, jeongguk knows that he knows and this is the worst thing that could have happened.

his mind is swept up in a daze. its dizzying, a kind of panic that's different than the shock from before. this time it's spiking something else inside of him, a strange kind of fear that he can't place. the sudden rise in anxiety, the sudden need to get away is something that he can't control, even if he wanted to. it'll be better if he leaves now. at least then, he won't have to hear taehyung say it. he won't have to deal with getting kicked out again.

"i know," is what starts to come out, jeongguk's voice cutting through suddenly and interrupting taehyung and it's stupid. or at least it feels idiotic, the way his throat is closing in on itself and burning and his vision is blurring around the edges and no, he can't do this. he isn't going to do this. at least not until he gets away.

"i-i'm sorry... i'll go-" he can't say more, even if he wanted to. his voice is threatening to give out on him and his first movement is a half-stumble backwards, putting some distance between them and it's enough to at least spur the rest of him into motion. because his mind is still racing, his heart right along with it, chest so tight it's getting hard to breathe.

so he turns and starts down the sidewalk in the direction opposite of wherever his parents were heading, not quite a run but almost, intent on getting away as quickly as possible.

[starrystarrynight]

The way it all happens, the way it all flashes across Jeongguk's face...Taehyung's experienced that before. He's felt that. Daze, shock, fear, panic, all of them toppling over one another, yanking him in a thousand different directions as everything begins to crumble beneath his feet. Some days it feels like another lifetime ago, what happened--but in this moment the dark corners of his memory start to creep up. He can feel the blood pulsing in his chest, the way the seconds seem to quicken.

Something's happening, something he can't even fully comprehend, but it's bad. Jeongguk locks eyes with him, terrified, and it's bad. That look pierces through Taehyung and yanks him back to the present. Once again his attention is rooted on the younger boy, and he wants to soothe the fear from his eyes, he wants to understand what's going through his mind, he wants to go back to ten seconds ago before whatever the hell just happened, but Jeongguk interrupts him.

I'll go. That's the only thing Taehyung catches on before Jeongguk slips from his fingers and into the crowd.

Taehyung understands running away--he's good at running away, himself--but watching the kid leave like that breaks something inside of him, buried deep beneath those dark shadows. There's no hesitation, no decision-making at all before his body lurches forward, clumsily, frantically pushing past the strangers on the sidewalk. He cranes forward, gaze desperate as he tries to spot the familiar mop of black hair.

"Jeongguk!"

He had a family. He had a home. He had had a real life. And then he was just tossed out, just like that.

"Jeongguk, stop!"

They forced him out. They fucking forced their own son out on the street. And they didn't even fucking show any remorse, not an ounce of it, not even a shred of concern. They looked at Jeongguk as if he were nothing.

He's not letting Jeongguk do this. He's not letting Jeongguk leave, he can't let Jeongguk leave, and when Taehyung finally catches up he's panting so hard his voice comes raw, hoarse. Fingers close around a thin wrist, arms moving to wrap around the younger boy because he's afraid that if he lets go Jeongguk will simply vanish again.

"Stop," he rasps out, breaths coming in chilled puffs of air as he holds the boy even tighter to his chest. He doesn't even notice the fact that they're still in the middle of the sidewalk. He wouldn't have cared anyway.

"It's okay--Jeongguk, it's okay. You're not going anywhere. Just stop. It's okay." The murmurs are pressed to the boy's temple, muffled slightly by his hair and the chatter of the rest of the world around them.

[baekri]

jeongguk doesn't know what he thinks is going to happen. he can't think that far ahead, can't even try to when his mind is still spinning and hazy, when the panic has a grip on him that means he doesn't care yet about the fact that he has no idea what he's doing or where he's going. somehow, that doesn't matter. it doesn't matter as much as getting away does, because he's convinced himself that he knows what he's doing, that he knows how to do this. he knows how to get away. he knows how to be invisible. he'll slip away into nothing and taehyung won't have to worry about it, about him anymore. maybe that's for the best, anyway. at least then maybe jeongguk can try to convince himself that it's his choice, that this is what he wanted. he'll trick himself into believing it if he has to, just so that he won't have to feel it again.

it doesn't start out as a run, at least not completely, but it ends up that way. he doesn't know when, doesn't know when he speeds up and squeezes his eyes closed like somehow that will keep everything that's threatening to spill over inside.

it hurts. his chest hurts, aches just with the effort of breathing. taehyung isn't following him, and he knows that. he isn't following him, just like his parents didn't follow him. they didn't regret it. they never did. jeongguk can't hear him, can't hear anything past the mess of thoughts and the rush of too much uncertainty in his ears.

he doesn't even realize that it's exactly what he wanted until it happens.

it's all so fast, too fast. he doesn't know how long he's been running for but it can't be too long, can't be too far because when he feels someone grabbing his wrist, when he's suddenly being pulled in close against someone he knows exactly who it is.

selfishly, there's a strange flood of relief that washes over him. it's a relief that comes but doesn't take away any of the other things, the bad things, because it isn't easy to admit that this is what he wanted. to admit that he didn't want taehyung to let him go, to let him run away. he didn't. he didn't let him go. he didn't let him run away. taehyung didn't.

at first, jeongguk doesn't respond. it's like another daze, another state of shock, another few moments for everything to settle into his mind. and once it does, the weight of holding himself together is too much to keep trying to carry. in some ways, he falls apart, just a little. suddenly he's holding onto taehyung for dear life, like he wasn't the one just trying to get away. like somehow he's just as afraid that if he lets go, he really will get away this time. jeongguk cries, feels the way that he's soaking the material of taehyung's clothes, feels the way that he starts to shake but he can't bring himself to be embarrassed about it or to even try to stop. because he's just a kid. he's just a kid who's terrified, utterly terrified of anyone finding out what's wrong with him. and maybe right now he's even more terrified, because he doesn't know what to do with the way that taehyung tells him it's okay.