kkaeppsong | [taehyung/jeongguk] ; tomorrow.

[taehyung/jeongguk] ; tomorrow.

jeongguk doesn't know how long it's been. it's easy to lose track of the days when they all start to blend into each other, running together in a mess of days and nights that are endlessly repeating themselves. it's not the kind of lifestyle he ever would have imagined. it's not what he wanted, not what he expected, but at least this way he's free from his parents. free from the constant, nagging reinforcement that he isn't good enough and never will be. maybe he isn't. maybe he won't be, but he's here and he's breathing and that's something, isn't it?

the looks that he gets when he wanders the streets have stopped phasing him. he's gotten good at making himself invisible most of the time, anyway. it's a good thing the clothes he was wearing when his father threw him out were mostly black, even if they're fitting a little too loosely now. there's still a tear near the shoulder of his sweater where it ripped against the rough pavement, but the bruise and sting are long gone. his hair is getting longer and a shower would be nice but he can breathe now, more freely than he ever did when he had a roof over his head and food in his stomach. the only thing he wishes is that he could see the stars from the city when it's late and he can't sleep. it's getting colder and the city lights mix with pollution and cast a haze over everything, a dull gray color that he stares at for hours, trying to imagine constellations and galaxies.

eventually he takes up an unofficial residence off of a street that isn't particularly busy. he only comes back to sleep, manages to steal a few things here and there that he can lay down to make the ground less uncomfortable and that fit comfortably into the backpack he carries around during the day. right now it's resting against the stone wall of the building next to his small, cramped sort of alcove. it's not quite an alley but it's enough for him, just big enough to allow him to curl up for a few hours of sleep, at least.

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Closing his eyes, Taehyung stays completely motionless save for the ragged jumps of his chest in his thin shirt. His head thumps back against the wall, the dull pain from the movement making his stomach wrench and his mind race, recalling the images this time. Blood in the floorboards and on his clothes and underneath raw fingernails, his fingernails, caked and dark and not his own. So much more blood than he'd ever seen in his entire life. Even that hadn't been enough to stop him.

Taehyung doesn't feel the black clothes shifting, not really, and only feels half-surprised that there's a voice attached to them. He's only ever lived in Seoul, and while homelessness isn't exactly common, he's seen enough of it to recognize the signs for what they are. He's on the outskirts of the city, no doubt, or at the very least in one of those neighborhoods that could never hope to grace the glossy pages of travel ads.

It doesn't matter. Taehyung begins to hoist himself back up, muttering a robotic apology, only to stop when he sees a pair of sleepy, confused eyes staring at him. Taehyung blinks back, shocked into a completely different silence. He doesn't expect that voice to belong to a kid. He barely looks old enough to fill out the clothes he's wearing, hair falling in too many directions, holding lightly onto a blanket bunched around his waist.

For the first time since it's happened, Taehyung's mind refocuses. Thinks. It's starting to get dark now, and there's something soft in the kid's expression that shocks him even more than before. For three wonderful seconds, he forgets everything.

"Are you sleeping here?"

it's ironic, that jungkook can feel so concerned for this random person who he knows nothing about when he's been living on the streets for weeks now. he's been able to make it, living off of pick-pocketing and the snacks and street food it can buy him every so often, not really moving forward but not moving backward, either. he's still young. trapped in a kind of naivety that won't last forever, but for now he believes that it's okay. he believes that he'll be able to make it just fine on his own, that somehow something will work out and he'll end up where he wants to be. a month isn't long enough to break his spirits, even though some days it feels harder than others when the reality of the situation tries to seep in and rest itself on his shoulders. he's able to keep making it by ignoring it, even if that's not a long term solution. long term isn't something he thinks about when he's just trying to keep himself from getting too cold or too hungry by the end of the day.

jungkook looks at the guy, taking in what he can see with eyes that are still a little sleepy because he's always been slow to wake up and it's gotten harder since living like this. he's tired most of the time now, which is only to be expected. he can't remember the last time he slept for more than three hours or so at a time. it's clear that something's happened to him. it has to be something that's unpleasant or he wouldn't be sitting out here like this, but there's nothing about him that looks or feels dangerous. he looks older but not too old, not old enough to make jungkook feel scared or intimidated.

the stare has him blinking right back, one hand moving up to scratch at the back of his head, more a nervous tick than anything else. he's always been shy and something about the way the stranger comes back with another question instead of an answer taps into that. he glances down at the blanket that's still covering him, considers putting it away but decides against it for now. it's still cold, and there are some rips and holes in his jeans that make it colder.

"um ... yeah," he answers. "i mean, i'm a heavy sleeper, you didn't wake me up or anything."

It's strange, jarring how suddenly his body seems to snap back from its haze, yanked back to the present. And what an odd present it is, Taehyung's gaze sweeping from the boy to the few belongings at his side to the dingy side-street they're currently sitting in, on some nameless street in some poorer part of the city. He could have run into any alleyway, caught himself onto any structure. Could have just kept on going, kept on pushing, kept on straight out of Seoul and into whatever else came for him. But he's here. What gets him more is how the hell someone like the kid across from him could have ended up here as well.

Because the truth is obvious. Taehyung is fractured, but he isn't stupid. Even if the boy hadn't answered in the affirmative it's painfully obvious that he's made a nest here for some time. Taehyung's eyes sharply rake over everything. They take in the holey clothes, the faint smudges of dirt on pale skin, the thinly veiled exhaustion on the youth's face, surprised to find that his shock isn't fading. That any feeling at all is lingering along.

His response makes Taehyung want to laugh, but it's a hollow, flat sound, and it dies instantly on his lips before it can even reach the younger boy. Heavy sleeper, says the kid living on the street. And he's trying to make Taehyung feel better about it?

The thought sobers him in a way that's unnerving, brows furrowing in speculation.

"How old are you?" Another question, but Taehyung can't help it that he wants to know, that his voice lowers as if he were speaking to a scared child he doesn't want to spook.

it takes a few moments for jungkook to look up again, and when he does he sees that the guy is looking around, taking everything in. of course he isn't naive to everything. he knows the reality of his own situation. he knows what it looks like from the outside, what kinds of things people must think when they see him. it's not like anyone would ever know or guess the truth, and that's more comforting to him than it should be. he'd rather people make up their own stories than know what the real reason is for why he's out here like this.

at the same time, it makes him feel self conscious. at a moment like this especially, because even when people stare at him it's usually in passing. it isn't people who are sitting next to him and actually holding a conversation with him. this guy isn't intimidating, but .. maybe he is. just a little. jungkook is looking down again just as quickly as he looked up, considering his blanket once more.

he's pulled back by the next question. it's expected, but the weird thing is that for a split second he wants to lie. it's a strange impulse, one that's foreign and almost kind of funny. it makes his lips curl at the edges, a small flash of teeth (too big, another source of self-consciousness).

"i'm sixteen." he decides to be honest because there's no reason not to be, and a moment after the words leave his lips he chances another look back up at the stranger. the sleep is mostly gone from his gaze now, leaving it more clear, a mixture of curious and timid and wondering why it even matters to him in the first place.

If Taehyung were completely, brutally honest with himself, it's a relief. That's why it matters. That's why he's still staying here, drawing this random kid into a conversation, because, at least for the time being, there's something else he can actually fix his attention to. Someone else to cut through the mess he's so rapidly drowning in, sinking in. It's a strange lifeline to hold onto, not even a real lifeline at all--just a kid, just a stranger, just no one, really--but Taehyung still finds himself clutching onto it all the same, desperately trying to keep his head up.

He doesn't miss the timid, almost smile that crosses the boy's face, his features even more innocent pulled together like that. Bunny teeth voices somewhere inside of him, some remnant of the Taehyung from before. The Taehyung who noticed things like that.

Sixteen is even younger than Taehyung expected. Sixteen is laughter in the hallways and stupid mistakes and a world of possibilities, not this, nothing even close to this. What the hell happened to him? Who could have possibly done this to him? Something clenches Taehyung hard at the way the boy looks at him then, and there's a part of him, a huge part, that wants to start running again. Needs to.

But he doesn't.

"It's not safe, you being out here like this on your own. Especially at night." Taehyung hears the words come out of his mouth, hears something eerily close to concern string them all together, hears how his voice sounds huskier than usual. His throat is still raw from the screaming. "There has to be somewhere you can stay."

it's strange for jungkook. it's odd for someone to care so much, even a little bit, because it's something that he's completely and totally unused to. a roof over his head and food to eat every day didn't mean he had a good relationship with his parents. they couldn't have cared less about him, aside from hoping he could have been something else and reminding him of that at every possible chance. those kinds of thoughts aren't easy to get rid of, and maybe he never will, but it's easier to try and drown out the memories now that it isn't reinforced anymore.

still, this is foreign. the concern in the strangers voice is foreign, and he finds himself almost laughing again. he shouldn't be. nothing about this situation is funny, and he knows that. maybe it's more of those nervous ticks trying to work their way to the surface, because, honestly, interacting with people like this isn't something that he does much of.

in the end, he finds himself laughing just a little. it's somewhere between a snort and a light chuckle, only because all of those things sound funny and ironic to him. it's safe enough. safe enough that he's survived for a month, at least, so he ends up shrugging one shoulder, gaze dropping down to his worn, dirty sneakers.

"there's not," he answers simply, a pause before he decides to elaborate. "and ... i've been on my own at night a lot. for a while now. so ... don't worry about it. i'm fine."

Taehyung stares at the way the kid laughs, a tiny little huff of nerves between them. He doesn't understand why it's so easy to look at the other so openly when he can't even meet his own eyes in the mirror, but the longer they talk the more he feels himself sinking into something else altogether, the need to run suddenly replaced by a ridiculously urgent need to stay.

This kid is completely vulnerable--and what's worse, he doesn't even realize it. His gaze follows the younger boy's, noticing the worn, tired soles of his sneakers. It's as if every part of him is threadbare, just barely holding himself together. Taehyung wants to believe that he'd be okay like this, that he'd manage, he really does. But he can't. He doesn't.

"Come on."

It takes some effort to pull himself to his feet, but once he's up there's a determined set to the muscles of his face. His hands starting shaking again, the way they've been doing all day, so he shoves them in the pockets of his leather jacket. He barely nudges his shoulder, gesturing to the wider world outside. Wherever it is they are.

"I'll get you something to eat."

jungkook doesn't know what comes next. he doesn't expect anything, doesn't think even for a moment that this stranger would want to give him anything or do anything for him. why would he? he's nobody, and he knows that, reminds himself of that fact quietly as he wiggles his toes around in his shoes. it's an echo of his father's voice that he can't quite shake off. it's the kind of thing that feeds his insecurities and lets them blossom into something bigger, that he keeps buried underneath as much as he can manage most of the time.

there's something about the stranger's gaze that feels like he's picking him apart. maybe it's just the fact that no one has been in such close proximity, looking at him like this in a long time.

in the next second, he's moving. it attracts jungkook's attention again, leaves him staring up, mouth slightly parted, eyes wide and confused and curious and wondering why someone would even offer to do something like that. but his stomach responds first, a weak growl and pang of hunger that he honestly can't say no to. the thought of someone spending money on him doesn't sit well with jungkook, but there are times when something else drives him. so it only takes a few brief moments of consideration before he makes a decision to keep trusting this guy, shifting and shuffling around until he has his blankets packed away in his backpack. he slings it over one shoulder and pulls himself up to his feet as well, flicking his head to the side lightly and running fingers through his hair in an attempt to get it out of his eyes.

"okay," he finally answers, but he offers a small smile, hesitant, like he isn't quite sure if he should or not.

Maybe this kid is a little too trusting. The thought crosses Taehyung's mind as he watches him come to a decision in two seconds flat, practically seeing the wheels turn in his head, the thought of a full belly too tempting to ignore. He wonders if he would have accepted the offer so readily from anyone. The idea of someone else stumbling across the boy's path, someone with darker, more elusive intentions only firms Taehyung's resolve to get him as far away from this dingy side street as possible.

They need to be somewhere public. Someplace they can sit. Somewhere warm. The holes in the boy's clothes and the ragged blankets didn't escape his notice, and he's already trying to think back, collect any small bit of semblance from before. He must have passed by a restaurant on his way here. There needs to be something close by. He had been numb to the unfamiliarity before, but it's wearing on him now, anxious to find someplace that's not here.

Taehyung nods at the small answer, the even smaller smile, as reassuring as a nod can be. Making sure the other is following behind him, Taehyung walks forward, past a couple blocks, onto a street that at least doesn't look completely sketchy. There's a couple drunk men shouting at each other over a card game, some people Taehyung assumes are starting on their way home from night shifts--he carefully avoids meeting anyone's gaze, keeping a firm pace as he passes by a strip of packed together store fronts. Strangely, it's comforting to hear the patter of feet close behind him, knowing that the kid hasn't suddenly decided to bolt or anything.

Eventually he settles on a ramen restaurant. It's nothing remarkable to look at, and it's rather small, but it looks clean enough, and warm, and the ahjumma at the counter smiles at them kindly when they shuffle through the entrance. Besides, he figures any place that serves edible food will be good enough for the younger boy at this point.

"Order whatever you want," Taehyung instructs when they sit down, pushing the menu across the small table into the kid's hands. It's not a formality. If he's going to offer the other a meal, he's going to do it right.

it's true that jungkook is probably too trusting. he's too willing to believe that this will all end up okay, that there's no hidden intent behind the offer. at the same time, he's not completely oblivious. he's young and he isn't as careful as he should be. he's reckless and maybe even a little bit stupid but people like this stranger aren't bad. maybe he would have been if he had approached him in a different way, if he had known he was approaching a homeless kid in the first place. living the kind of life he has so far means that he's developed some kinds of awareness. the way that the older guy's hands were shaking hasn't gone past him, and it reminds him of the way that he felt before. before he was okay with all of this, before he accepted it and made it work.

it's hard to explain, hard to even work out for himself but jungkook feels safe, following him. he has to work a little bit to keep up with how quick he's moving but he does, stays as close as he can manage without being too close even though he has no idea where exactly they're going. it's not like it matters. the only home base he has is that side street, and it's not something he would miss terribly if he found something better.

he can't even remember the last time that he set foot inside a restaurant. he usually avoids them because it's harder to steal food from places like this and it's easier to avoid suspicion if he's in and out of a place quickly. it's different like this, sitting down across from a stranger at a table, setting down his bag and taking a moment to just appreciate the warmth before a menu is being pressed into his hands. even something as simple as that is almost too much, the choices more than a little overwhelming.

there are a few long moments that he spends looking over the menu, re-reading the entire thing at least three times before he comes to a decision. by the time someone comes to take their order he has it figured out, pointing to something with a soft voice and a shy smile because being in a place like this makes him even more self conscious about the way he knows he must look. he bows politely, as much as he can while sitting, and lightly drums his fingers against the table when there's a silence afterwards.

"um," he finally starts, pausing to clear his throat before trying again. "thank you." it's simple but he means it, because he's still caught up on the fact that there's absolutely no reason for this guy to be doing this and he can't wrap his head around why he would ever warrant this kind of positive attention.

Taehyung finds himself ordering too, though not out of hunger. The last thing he really wants to do right now is put anything in his stomach, but he doesn't want the kid to feel self-conscious eating alone. He doesn't want him to feel like he's some charity case. Taehyung had always hated that the most growing up, seeing the neighborhood moms cluck their tongues at his hand-me-downs, being forced to participate in their sympathy as they cooed over him, because such a shame that he didn't have his father around, such a shame he came from a broken home that can't give him what he needs, poor child.

Nevermind the fact that Taehyung had always thought of his father as the unlucky one. He would never get to know his son, would never be a part of the 2 musketeer team that ruled over their house, as far as the eye could see, would never truly understand or appreciate the quiet strength of his mom, her warmth--

Taehyung has to grip the inside of his palm so tight he can feel one of the cuts reopening. The kid is ordering right now and he can't do this. He can't think about any of them.

So his mind does the trick, refocuses. There's an unnatural shininess to the boy's hair under these lights, and it never stops falling over his eyes. Eyes that get big and bright when he points out his food, even when his smile reveals more timidness. He's acting impeccably polite, more so than any other sixteen year old Taehyung's ever met, and the thought crosses his mind again, not for the first time--how could someone as harmless as the kid in front of him be in this situation?

The formal words snap him back. Taehyung blinks at him, seeing the genuine appreciation, confusion lingering quietly behind the surface. Taehyung doesn't know how to explain himself, really explain himself, so he shrugs a don't worry about it shoulder, fixing his snap back with his good hand.

“My name’s Taehyung,” he says after another quiet lull, thinking better of it after considering using something else. It’s just a tiny piece of himself now, hardly anything at all compared to the rest of the wreckage, but he offers it anyways. So different from how he always used to introduce himself to someone, all toothy grins and ease and pride. It all seems so far away now.

Something in his gaze slowly softens as he takes in the boy's appearance again. "You've been doing this for more than just a couple days, haven't you?"

Edited 2015-05-06 01:49 (UTC)

it's not like jeongguk is a problem child. he's never thought of himself as one, of course, because he doesn't think that anything he's done was wrong. he wasn't doing anything illegal, wasn't hurting anyone, wasn't doing anything that warranted the way things spiraled and exploded. all he did was want something else, something different. all he had was a passion for something else, something that left him spending his time writing rhymes instead of studying for exams and reading textbooks. that had been more than enough to shake up the peaceful, perfect household that his parents were so intent on upholding. even still, he did his best not to stir it up even more. he never yelled at his father unless his father started it first.

but that wasn't enough to land him where he is right now. that wasn't what set everything spiraling into motion, what snapped the string that was already stretched to the limit. it was the last straw, the final deciding factor, because they just couldn't take having such a terrible son. how could you turn out like this? what did i do to deserve a son like you? it still makes his stomach turn when the echoes start up out of nowhere, cutting into his consciousness and holding on like a parasite.

of course he's going to speak formally to this guy, this stranger. it's clear that he's older, and that's enough to warrant the politeness that keeps rolling off of his tongue. some of it is habit, engrained in him but it comes from a place of genuine thanks, appreciation, of the fact that someone who's willing to go out of their way to do something like this deserves respect. a thank you is the least he can do. his gaze falls again, fingers still lightly drumming against the table because keeping them busy helps.

a moment later, it snaps back up again at the sound of the guy's voice. taehyung. taehyung's voice. it's unexpected, the sudden introduction. for a moment, jeongguk just blinks at him. it takes a little bit longer than it should for it to register, the correct response, to introduce himself as well. it just doesn't seem like something taehyung would want to know. he's just a kid on the streets, anyway. what does it matter? but he finds himself giving another timid smile despite himself. it's like another tick he has, because he seems to be smiling most of the time, like he doesn't know what else to do with his expression.

"... i'm jeongguk," he responds, and gives a moment of thought and a small nod at taehyung's question. judging by the way he keeps looking at him, it must be really obvious. suddenly, jeongguk can't help but wonder just how terrible he looks. he reaches up to push his hair out of his eyes again.

"um ... yeah. it's been ... a while, i guess? a few weeks, probably. it's hard to keep track." another small laugh slips out, to keep things light. he doesn't want it to get heavy. he doesn't want to seem like he's looking for sympathy; he's just being honest.

Edited 2015-05-08 03:51 (UTC)

Taehyung listens to the boy--Jeongguk--intently, half curious about his answer and half terrified to let himself have another moment alone in his head. He'll just go back to how he was before. Or worse. He could do a lot worse. He's capable of a lot worse now.

Just keep this going, just keep talking. Listen. So he does, waiting patiently as Jeongguk sorts out his thoughts through the small pauses, watching the boy laugh in a way that has nothing to do with what he just said. It would be a nice laugh if it were in a different context, if Taehyung couldn't so clearly see the thinness in his face, the unwashed hair, the way his eyes turned wolfish staring down at the menu. But then, what else is he supposed to do? Maybe Taehyung would react the same way. Maybe it would all start to seem okay after a while, living like this.

As soon as he considers it, Taehyung immediately rejects the idea, disgusted with himself for even going there--no, this is no way to live. Maybe it's possible to survive for a while, doing what Jeongguk's been doing, but it's not enough. Taehyung's not the kind of person that can be okay with this, he can't be the kind of person that's okay with this. It doesn't matter that he doesn't know a single real thing about this kid. Jeongguk doesn't deserve this life.

Before he can even say anything else, the waiter from before appears at their table again, this time holding two large, steaming bowls of noodles. The moment they're set down, Taehyung motions for the boy to eat first, effectively shutting down any other formalities Jeongguk might try with him. There's absolutely no way Jeongguk can't be starving right now, and Taehyung's not going to make him wait any longer than he has already.

"Go ahead."

jeongguk doesn't know what to expect from taehyung. the default is not to expect anything, and he doesn't. he's fully aware of the fact that even this is incredibly out of the ordinary, someone insisting on buying him something to eat like this. it's an act of kindness that still has him surprised, because jeongguk still can't wrap his head around why he would deserve something like this in the first place.

he doesn't. he's nothing special. but the way that taehyung is looking at him, waiting for his answer so intently is almost even stranger. it's like he really does care, like he really wants to know, and that's something so foreign to jeongguk that he honestly doesn't know what to do with it.

he wouldn't have known how to go about answering any other questions just yet. the truth is too much for a stranger, or maybe it's still just too much for him to handle. from time to time it's still fresh, even though it's been a month. it's hard to swallow when he thinks about it too much, and he's silently relieved and grateful when the food arrives and spares him the questions, at least, for now.

the politeness kicks in immediately once the food is set down in front of them. he gives another bow and a soft "thank you," to the waiter before they disappear, and fully intends on waiting until taehyung has started. but the older boy shuts that down, surprising him with how quick and blunt it is, because jeongguk has never met anyone who was willing to forgo any kind of formality like that with him. it makes him blink a few times, confused, but when he actually looks down at the food sitting in front of him, the first actual meal he's been this close to in a month, it's like it all hits him at once.

it was easier not to realize just how hungry he was when he was just scraping by on what he could manage, but it surges to the surface and his confusion disappears, replaced with gratefulness because there's no way he could have waited. so he doesn't waste any more time, and it's almost comical and definitely ridiculous. because once he has chopsticks between his fingers and has started, it's like some sort of weird instinct kicks in. he knows that he should eat slowly but he honestly can't help himself, and in the next second he's practically inhaling the noodles with no regard whatsoever to how hot they still are.

Taehyung figured he wouldn't need to be told twice, but it surprises even him, just how aggressively the boy digs in once he finally realizes he doesn't have to wait any longer. The sight of this kid hunched over his bowl, shoveling the still hot ramen into his mouth without even pausing for a single breath almost makes him want to laugh. Almost, because more than anything else it just makes his own stomach knot painfully. He has to force himself to look away, shifting down to his own bowl instead, but his own appetite is nonexistent.

After about twenty straight seconds of Jeongguk inhaling his ramen, with no perceivable end in sight, Taehyung feels a small bubble of worry. No use in eating like this if you're just going to throw it back up later--because that's exactly what Taehyung can see happening. He realizes for the first time that all this food is probably going to shock Jeongguk's system. It's pretty obvious that's the furthest thing from the boy's mind right now, and Taehyung can't exactly blame him, but that also doesn't stop him from clinking his chop sticks lightly against the boy's bowl to get his attention.

"Hey," he says, amusement and concern lacing his voice, "You're going to make yourself sick. Take a break and drink some water."

The command is light, but serious enough that he knows Jeongguk will listen to him. He's too polite to do otherwise, something that Taehyung has already quickly gotten accustomed to.

it's easy not to think about things like how ridiculous it looks for him to be eating so fast or how the food is likely going to at least give his body some kind of reaction. he never would have thought he would be so happy to see ramen again but he can honestly say that he's never had any food in his life that tasted as good as this does, right now. of course, he's barely tasting it with how fast he's sucking down the noodles, and the funny thing is that he honestly doesn't realize that he's doing it. he only stops when taehyung is getting his attention with the clinking of his chopsticks, and that leaves jeongguk staring at him for a moment with big eyes and noodles still hanging out of his mouth.

taehyung is right. jeongguk knows that he is, and he puts the chopsticks down a moment later to take a breather. now that he's stopped it settles in, just how ridiculous that was, and suddenly he's embarrassed.

he hides it behind his glass as he takes a long drink of water, realizing he's gulping it down faster than he noticed what he was doing with the ramen and quickly putting the glass back down again. he wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand, another nervous smile and small, nervous laugh to go along with it. "ah ... sorry," he apologizes softly. "you're right ... i wouldn't want you to spend money on this and have it go to waste..." he pauses for another moment and then goes back for another mouthful of noodles, but this time he stops himself after one and takes a deliberate break in an attempt to slow himself down.

"is it ... do you mind if i ask how old you are?"

Taehyung can feel the embarrassment practically radiating off of the boy in waves once he pulls himself away from his noodles--which takes some time, seeing as how he can shovel in impressively large scoops of it. He watches the way Jeongguk hurriedly gulps down the water and messily wipes his mouth with his hand, the same way Taehyung used to do back when he was in school. So young, he can't help but remind himself again, as another nervous peal of laughter escapes the boy across from him.

The corner of Taehyung's eyes crinkle at the apology, lips quirking despite himself. It's cute, how persistent he is with his manners. Not bothering to correct his assumption, Taehyung just gives him a noncommittal hum, hesitating for a fraction of a second before picking up his chop sticks again, this time with his right hand.

Ignoring the thick bandage, he swirls his chop sticks around in his bowl, poking at the thin pieces of beef. The question draws his gaze back to Jeongguk, who he's pleased to see has actually heeded his advice about eating.

"Nineteen," he replies easily, silently relieved. "I'll be twenty in December."

Only four months away. By then it'll be colder, much colder. Cold enough to make living outside unbearable.

Edited 2015-05-10 07:14 (UTC)

jeongguk doesn't know what he's expecting taehyung's answer to be. he knows that he's definitely older than him. it's just hard to say exactly how much older. he supposes it doesn't really matter too much in the long run anyway, because he's sure this will be the first and last time they ever meet each other. why would he assume otherwise? there's no reason for him to think that taehyung would stick around or bring jeongguk anywhere with him. that's just ridiculous, so ridiculous that he doesn't even allow his mind to go there.

they're strangers, and jeongguk is okay with that. it's why he doesn't ask about the thick bandages that taehyung is wearing or why he was running; it's none of his business.

he's only a little bit surprised when taehyung answers, though in some ways he seemed like he may have been even older than that. it makes jeongguk feel a little less intimidated to know that he isn't, and it's interesting that their birthdays are so close together.

birthday. the thought sends a strange pang through him because that was something he hadn't thought about, spending his seventeenth birthday by himself on the street somewhere. he quickly shovels in another few mouthfuls of food, more than the last one on purpose this time to distract himself. once he's swallowed those he nods, another drink of water. he's making a real effort and trying to pace himself and eat like a normal person now, though it doesn't matter much because after the initial attack on his ramen, most of it is already settling in his stomach.

"i'll be seventeen next month," he finally responds, though he doesn't know why. it just comes out, like maybe it's nice if someone knows. "i mean, i think so. it's ... august now, right?"

That simple question twists his stomach even harder. It's odd, how someone like Jeongguk, someone he doesn't even know, is affecting him like this. He knows it's not pity--pity is surface level, cheap, uninterested. Maybe it had been before, earlier in the night, but what he feels when he looks at the younger boy now cuts through that like a knife, striking a chord much deeper within him.

Taehyung merely nods. They quiet then, Jeongguk tucked into his food once more, Taehyung lost in his own thoughts. He places his portions of meat into Jeongguk's bowl without thinking twice about it, handfuls of noodles following after. Taehyung doesn't even realize he hasn't had a single bite.

If he's not the kind of person that can be okay with this, then he's also not the kind of person that could leave like this either. He's not quite sure what to do, what the answer to Jeongguk's problem is--if there even is one--but thinking about just up and leaving the kid after all this, wishing him luck and moving on like nothing happened, like they never even met at all...it seems impossible. Taehyung asks himself why it seems so impossible, why it's so important in the first place, and comes up short.

Suddenly he feels so heavy, so bone tired. He can think about this more somewhere else, somewhere safe for the night. Safe for both of them. And just like that the decision is made, before he can even think to back out of it.

Taehyung waits until Jeongguk can physically eat no more, when he finally takes a deep breath and sits back in his chair to breach the subject.

"Jeongguk," he begins slowly, cautiously, fully aware that what he's about to say could go horribly wrong. "I'm going to be staying in a motel tonight. You can come if you want...if you want to have somewhere to sleep. I won't mind. It's your decision, though," he makes sure to add, already knowing that Jeongguk's gratefulness might lead him to agree to something he's not actually comfortable with.

Edited 2015-05-10 08:06 (UTC)

it doesn't take long for jeongguk to finish his food, diligently scooping up every last bit of it that he can until his bowl is completely clean. he doesn't expect the extra food that gets dropped into it, looking up, surprised at the way that taehyung is giving it to him. but then, it hadn't gone unnoticed to him either, the fact that the older boy hadn't eaten anything.

jeongguk would like to think that he didn't just order for himself out of pity on him or something odd like that. if he had meant to make jeongguk eat both the whole time, he would have just said so. maybe he just lost his appetite. either way, he isn't about to let the food go to waste, so he finishes all of that, too. by the time he's done there's nothing left, and for the first time in a long time, he doesn't feel hungry. he feels full and warm from the inside out, and he's willing to bask in the feeling for as long as he can.

it's strangely startling when taehyung says his name, though not in a bad way. it's been so long since he heard it from anyone and it catches his attention, eyes locked immediately on taehyung and focused on whatever he has to say.

this time it's even more unexpected. the offer leaves him dumbfounded for a few minutes, taking some time to really process what just happened. he turns over the possibilities, his choices in his mind, considering them seriously. safety isn't a concern. perhaps naively, perhaps too quickly, he trusts taehyung. at least on some level he does, and it's hard to deny that the potential to sleep on a bed for a night, even inside of a building is impossible to ignore. besides, if taehyung was already planning on staying somewhere for the night, it isn't as if he's making plans around him or offering him something because he feels like he has to. jeongguk doesn't get that feeling from taehyung in the slightest, and maybe that's what encourages him to make his decision.

"... okay," he says, nodding a little with another one of those smiles. "if you're sure it's alright with you ... i'd like to sleep somewhere."

It takes longer than Taehyung expects to find a suitable place. The needs are basic--cheap, safe, clean, two beds--but it's so late in the night that many places are all booked up, and the least expensive options are all but nonexistent. After four attempts and four firm rejections, Taehyung's shoulders start drooping slightly, and he can tell the kid is getting tired too, though of course he doesn't say anything. Realizing he's not going to be able to keep up with Taehyung for much longer, Taehyung decides to throw caution to the wind and walks into the reception area of a place with big windows and plush chairs in elegant, muted colors.

Taehyung doesn't appreciate the sharp appraisal of the front desk worker, her eyes taking in the pair as if they're a nuisance to be dealt with at best, but after a couple minutes they finally come to an arrangement. A key's in Taehyung's hand, and finally he can let himself relax just a little, knowing that they have somewhere to stay the night.

The room isn't luxurious by any means, but it's definitely nicer than what Taehyung had envisioned earlier. The niceness of it suddenly makes him feel wary, and he remembers again just how quickly Jeongguk had accepted his offer to stay with him.

If it had been any other guy making that kind of offer to the kid, leading him to a private little oasis like this, Taehyung would have immediately gone on the defensive, red flags peppering his thoughts. You just never know with people. You never know what someone is truly capable of, how far someone will push and take advantage of the situation, how much someone will take when littering her with bruises, breaking her down.

Taehyung starts, glancing around blindly until he settles on the open door of the bathroom. He moves forward to look inside, flicking on the lights and taking in the wide shower, the rack of fluffy white towels. It looks so tempting--right then he wants nothing more than to escape underneath a scalding torrent of water and possibly never come out, but he dulls the urge. He's not alone. And the kid needs this more than him right now.

Taehyung shrugs off the bag that had been pressed flat to his shoulder, nearly melding into his dark jacket. Sorting through the contents for a couple seconds, he pulls out plain grey sweatpants, a pair of boxers, and a graphic T-shirt before tossing the items to Jeongguk.

"You should go and get cleaned up."

jeongguk wasn't expecting much of anything. he still kind of can't believe this is happening to him, even as he's following taehyung around, the two of them wandering the streets, trying to find somewhere that they can stay for the night. it's strange, interesting, going into so many different buildings in the course of one night when he's been avoiding them for the most part up until now. with each one he becomes more and more self conscious about how he must look, keeping his eyes firmly planted on the ground by the time they finally make it somewhere that accepts them.

to jeongguk, it might as well be a five-star resort. it's been so long since he's even seen any of these things, let alone had them available for him to use. but then, he probably wouldn't have if it were up to him. taehyung offered him a place to stay, a place to sleep for the night, and that's what he intends on using this for. he wouldn't have minded even sleeping on the floor, because just being inside is somewhat of a luxury right now.

he shrugs off his own backpack once they're inside their room, unable to keep himself from looking around at everything, stuck in a dumb kind of awe. he doesn't even realize that taehyung is moving around, checking out the bathroom and then sorting through his own things because he's too busy taking everything in, eyes wide and mouth slightly open because this really doesn't feel like it's happening to him right now.

but it is. it is, and his gaze snaps back onto taehyung when he speaks, offering him a change of clothes. jeongguk still doesn't get it, why he's being so nice to him, why he cares enough to be so nice. there's no reason for it but he's still grateful, can't deny that the idea of taking a shower is practically heaven right now. so he doesn't fight it, nodding with another "thank you" and taking the clothes with him to the bathroom.

looking at himself in the mirror is a strange experience. it's been at least a month since he saw himself, and it's more of a shock than he was expecting. it's like he's looking at a different person, longer hair that's dirty and a little unruly, worn clothing, light hints of dirt and other unknown things here and there on his skin. he looks just about as disgusting as he feels, and he can't keep looking at himself for more than a few moments. instead he focuses on undressing, on starting the water and getting into the shower, and yeah. this is definitely the closest thing to heaven than he's ever experienced.

he doesn't keep track of how long he stays inside, under the hot water. he washes his hair again and again, scrubs his body until the water runs clear and it's amazing, just feeling clean again. something so simple, something he took so for granted before. by the time he finally gets out, he looks like himself again. he looks like the same jeongguk from before, just with longer hair, and he smiles a little at himself in the mirror because he had always wanted to wear it this way.

taehyung's clothes are big on him, but not too big. it's another strange experience, pulling them on, feeling just a little strange about it because he doesn't want to take his things. for now, though, he's tired. the heat from the shower and the food in his stomach are relaxing him, so he decides to worry about it in the morning. he haphazardly dries his hair with a towel, leaving it sticking up in weird angles but it doesn't matter. he takes his old clothes and carefully puts them into his backpack along with his blankets, pausing once that's all taken care of, standing up straight and shifting from foot to foot.

it's almost like he needs permission to do anything else, feels like he should have it, at least, because he still sees this as taehyung's space. but he does offer him a smile, reaching up to push his still wet hair back from his eyes again.

"thank you," he says again, even if it's redundant and possibly unnecessary. as far as he's concerned he still hasn't thanked him enough, and he probably never could.

After Jeongguk retreats to the bathroom, Taehyung takes another few moments to look around the room. Two white, neatly pressed twin beds take up most of the space, and he finds himself shuffling forward to the nearest one, dropping himself down on the cozy blankets. For a while, all he does is lay there and listen to the sound of the shower running, his snapback pushed up to cover his face. He closes his eyes, the lull of the water making his mind wander dangerously again--only now there's nothing to keep it from straying too far. He imagines himself in his own bed, in his own room, in his own house, and that when he opens his eyes again everything will be back to the way they should be. His mom will be there, bustling about doing five things at once, and his old high school friends will all be around laughing, and she'll be there, too. She'll be happy, healthy, smiling that soft, knowing little smile that always made his heart feel like it was too big for his chest, and everything will be okay.

Everything will be okay, she had promised him. You'll meet someone else, someone even better for you than I am. And I will, too. We'll be happier, I know it.

When he opens his eyes again, he won't have the bandage, he won't see the blood, he won't remember the way that that guy had been hitting her, slapping her so hard her head had spun, hair pinwheeling. He won't remember grabbing the first thing he saw, smashing the bottle against the wall of her bedroom and jamming the shredded edge straight into his stomach. He won't remember how right it felt, so fucking right and deserved, driving the glass into him again, and again, and again, a mess of rage and pain and need as he gave everything he had. He won't recall the daze, the screams, the blood pouring out so hard and fast it coated every inch of his hands.

He won't remember her face, the complete horror on her face. He won't remember seeing his limp body, slumped in between her bookcase and table, gaze horribly empty. The realization of what he did. The realization of what he did.

A broken sob breaks through his chest, the sound echoing off the close walls, and suddenly it hits him that Jeongguk is just in the room over. He lies there like a wounded animal, gasping in short breaths in order to get control of himself, eyes squeezed shut, hands trembling against the mattress.

By the time the younger boy comes back out, Taehyung's quiet, exhausted with the effort it took to be that way. He's staring up at the ceiling when he hears that soft voice again, and Taehyung slowly meets the source, his carefully pulled expression not betraying anything even as his mind clicks in surprise. It's hard to believe for a moment that this is the same kid he's just been with, but there's the same shaggy hair and the same quiet smile and Taehyung can't help but feel that it was worth it, all the money he spent on this room, just to see him looking that genuinely content, the gratitude so earnest.

Taehyung gives him a small, tired smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "We should get some sleep. The other bed's all yours."

jeongguk is oblivious to the demons that are plaguing taehyung's mind. he would never in a million years assume that anything so terrible would have happened to someone who's been nothing but gracious ever since they met. too gracious, really, because all of this time and energy (and money) really shouldn't be wasted on him. on some random kid who's been living on the streets. some kid who he doesn't know, has never seen before, who he just happened to settle down next to without even realizing it. what's the point? he can't help but be curious. what's taehyung thinking? why is he doing all of this?

but he doesn't ask any of those questions. because in the end, for now, it doesn't matter. what matters is that taehyung is a good person, he's sure of it. he's safe, the both of them are, with a place to stay, and that's more than he can say for himself on his own. it's more, much more than he's had in a long time, in ways that taehyung doesn't even know, maybe never could.

jeongguk's gratitude runs even deeper than a bowl of ramen and a motel room, but taehyung doesn't need to know that.

he notices the way that taehyung's smile doesn't reach all of his expression. he notices how tired he looks, but then, he supposes he can't blame him. he looks about as tired as jeongguk feels, and he nods slightly, because he doesn't need any more confirmation than that.

he crosses over to the other bed, surveys it for a long few moments before carefully climbing onto it. it's odd, the mix of familiar and foreign, but god it's so comfortable and he's barely even settled. it doesn't take long, because once he's started he easily shifts and makes his way under the blankets, curling up and closing his eyes. suddenly, it's like all of the exhaustion that's build up over the last month hits him, full force. he can barely keep his eyes open, and really, what's the point in trying to?

"... good night." the words come out softly, more of a sleepy mumble pressed into his pillow than anything else. they're something to fill the silence. it doesn't feel right, not saying anything else, even though a matter of seconds later he's fast asleep.

Taehyung doesn't say goodnight back--by the time those words slowly begin to take shape in his mind, form a meaning, he can already hear the soft, rhythmic breathing of the boy. The sound should lull him. It always had when he was a child, when his mother and him shared a bed and he would see bad things in the shadows of the bedroom. He would curl up close and listen to her sleeping, clinging onto the mysterious comfort it gave him like it was the only thing that could ward off the darkness. He doesn't know how to do that anymore. He doesn't know if he can. Because the darkness isn't just out there, isn't some thing lurking in dusty corners like he once thought. It isn't even something out to get him. It's what he's become.

The realization of what he did. How could he how could he how could he how could he how could he how do I live with myself.

The water shreds through him like a million shards of glass, each cut digging a deeper wound. He tears off the bandage, ripping and clawing at the soaked gauze until it's off and all that's left is broken skin. Blood rushes down, all the blood, there was so much blood. His hands shake, clutching at the slippery tiles until his knees buckle from the weight of everything. He doesn't hear himself, only the cries from some creature inside of him, the words to every single nightmare playing in his mind on loop.

He sits there for a long time, long enough to feel the water chill his shivering skin, long enough to realize that it's been long enough. He can't do this. He doesn't want to do this anymore. The thought of this being tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, for the rest of his life, is a kind of hell he completely deserves and cannot live. He can't. He can't endure it.

But the kid.

The thought comes like a whisper, quietly, stilling everything else. What about the kid? What about the fucking kid? What the fuck can Taehyung do for him when he couldn't even protect her, when he couldn't even stop her from hurting, when he destroyed everything without a second thought? What good life can he promise Jeongguk? What sweet things can he say about the world to make Jeongguk believe that everything will be okay in the end? What does it even matter, this random kid, this entire fucking night, why couldn't he have just kept on running without looking back? Why couldn't he run?

The water shuts off, and Taehyung still doesn't move. He knows the answer. He knows all of the answers. Slowly, achingly, he gets to his feet, catching himself firmly on the handlebar to keep from stumbling. He dries himself quickly, putting on his clothes with both hands before shutting the light to the bathroom off and moving underneath the covers of his bed. He can barely make out the boy's features in the darkness, but he knows he's there. The sleepy little noises are the same as before--he hasn't been woken up at all, and the relief that courses through Taehyung then is so powerful it has him very slowly relaxing into the mattress.

He's going to do right by this kid. Because the kid needs it. Because Taehyung needs him. Because this can't be all of what he's become. This can't be all. This can't be it.

Eventually, he's lulled to sleep.

[taehyung/jeongguk] ; tomorrow.

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