kkaeppsong | [yoongi/jungkook] ; heart shaker

[yoongi/jungkook] ; heart shaker

jungkook feels like he's been waiting for this for at least a lifetime. sometimes it seems like that; he goes back and forth between feeling like he's known yoongi for years and feeling like it's only been a little while. neither option is quite right, and the length of time doesn't really matter - what matters is how comfortable jungkook feels, always has felt talking to yoongi. what matters is the way that he makes his heart race a little bit too fast and his skin flush just a little too hot, how jungkook feels every time he sees - or even thinks about - a picture of him. he has a crush. jungkook knows that. he's completely, utterly, head over heels in like with yoongi hyung and he absolutely knows it. what he isn't entirely sure of, though, is everything else that comes with it. it's hard to know what yoongi thinks, how exactly he's feeling, especially when jungkook is far, far too shy to ever just come out and ask him. but he can't help feeling like the older man making this trip, coming here just to meet him, to see him, to hang out with him - well, it's got to mean something, right?

it does mean something. that's what jungkook tells himself whenever he gets ready, and thank god he started so early in the morning even though they aren't meeting until the afternoon. it's the same struggle as always, only worse, somehow. jungkook has no idea how many times he changes before he ends up settled on something casual, normal, something like what he wears every other day - comfortable, fitted (and only slightly ripped) black jeans and an oversized white tshirt. he spends far too long fussing with his hair just to pull a beanie on over it at the last moment, stepping into his old, worn pair of timberlands on the way out the door. it's almost like he's a different person - the outside definitely doesn't match the inside, the only real giveaways that he's the very same person who posts his art online being the sketchbook he brings along in his bag and the small cluster of flowers painted on the inside of his wrist on one side, leftover from the last practice.

he makes sure to arrive early - far too early, and ends up regretting it not long after. sitting by himself in the little cafe means that he can't seem to stop looking at the door or out the windows, checking his phone even when it's still an hour away from the time they're supposed to meet. in the end, jungkook settles on pulling out his sketchbook, distracting himself by adding onto the last thing he'd been working on the night before.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

jungkook really doesn't know what it is that he expects in response to what he says. maybe some more of the soft smiles that he's come to associate with yoongi now, more of those butterflies, more of that soft ache that's settled itself inside of him and made a home over the last few months. maybe yoongi will simply agree. maybe they'll keep up this easy, comfortable back and forth, still hand in hand, until they have to make their way to the train station. until he has to see yoongi off, until they're back to simple text messages back and forth, the same way it's been for so long now. funny how it suddenly feels impossible, feels like somehow he's known yoongi for years, just like this, not like it's still their first time meeting face to face.

he's still a little lost in his thoughts by the time that yoongi starts to respond, cutting his own words off at first. it's unusual enough to catch jungkook's attention, bringing it back fully just in time for him to catch the full sentence. just in time for him to feel like his heart might have stopped, skipped a beat. it speeds up, suddenly pounding hard and fast as his mind scrambles and races to catch up to what it thinks it just heard, heart jumping up into his throat, because of all of the things that he could have expected, something like that was never even anywhere on the list. not at all. it leaves jungkook staring for a few seconds too long, and he knows that much, at least. feels it, the way that his eyes widen, how his expression freezes. feels the way his fingers still in their gentle back and forth, still grasping yoongi's between them. "i..." his face is flushed bright red, voice catching and stuttering over syllables, and he has absolutely no idea what to say. what ends up coming out in the end is "i.. h-hyung... you want to... what?"

For a moment, Yoongi considers that maybe this was entirely the wrong way to start this conversation. It's hard not to think that when Jungkook is looking like he suddenly got slapped, all wide eyes and a flushed face, seeming equal parts stunned and disbelieving as he stops short in the sand. It also almost makes Yoongi feel bad for the kid. He's known long before this trip that he wanted to share his feelings in person--whenever that might be--and there's several things he wants, needs Jungkook to know if...whatever they are progresses into something else. Something even better. But he didn't exactly prepare an opening statement, and perhaps he should have. But the moment passes--and Jungkook's incredulous question does nothing to discourage the momentum that's started. It fuels it.

They've stopped walking now, and Yoongi turns to properly face the younger boy, studying him for a few moments. His eyes are dark, serious. "I want to kiss you," he repeats without hesitation. This time the words fall heavy, all too real in the short space between them, without any room for misinterpretation. "I want to take care of you--all of you. I want to be with you." His thumb brushes the back of Jungkook's hand softly, voice lowering as he continues. They're the only ones around on this strip of the beach, and somehow it feels like it could stay that way for the rest of the night--like maybe he has the time to explain everything he should. If Jungkook wants to listen to him, that is. Then, Yoongi's gaze drops, because staring into those wide, expectant eyes is suddenly too much. "You...you're incredible, Jungkook. It wouldn't be right for me not to tell you at least once."

jungkook is nearly ready to convince himself that he's hearing things, that he must have been hearing things, that there's absolutely no way that this could possibly be happening right now. to put it simply, even the thought of it feels impossible. it feels impossible just like how he felt when they first started talking, when yoongi dedicated a video to him for the first time, complimented him, when he greeted him with a hug the moment they saw each other in person. it feels too good to be true. feels far away, the kind of thing that he's wanted, that he knows that he's wanted, for months on end now. the kind of thing that he would never say, because he could never inconvenience yoongi like that. because he's much too good of a friend now for jungkook to feel comfortable risking it. because he's always told himself that having yoongi in any way was better, so much better than even the possibility of something more, only because he couldn't handle the other side of the whole thing.

but now, right now, there's something else entirely looking him right in the face. something he never could have prepared for, never could have expected, and jungkook feels rooted to the spot. all that he can do is continue looking at yoongi, eyes wide, heart thundering in his chest, feeling like there's every possibility that it could beat itself out if this continues. he's wondered before, what it would sound like if yoongi said those things to him. what it would feel like, what it would be like. knowing feels even more impossible than the alternative, in a way that he would never be able to put into words. his mind feels like it's racing, so many thoughts colliding and tripping over one another that he isn't entirely sure where to start. he isn't sure if he even knows how to. but he has to. he has to say something, has to give yoongi some idea of what he's thinking, how he's feeling. he has no idea what to say, and maybe that's why everything comes rushing out all at once. "hyung, i'm... i ... i really like you," is the first thing that comes out, the words blurted more than anything else, nearly involuntary. but once they're out there, he can't stop. "i've really liked you for a long time, actually. but i never wanted to .. i mean, we're friends, and i didn't.. i'd rather be friends with you than nothing at all. you know? but, you're so ... i've always thought that i. i would be so lucky, if i could find someone like you."

Yoongi feels a weight immediately lift from his shoulders, one he wasn't even fully aware of, once everything comes out. Sometimes it's easy to forget just how long he's been holding this inside of him, how it's become just another one of his routines, something always lingering in the back of his mind. Saying his feelings out loud, in no uncertain terms, is something he's thought about for so long. Now that it's happening now, here, Yoongi can't help but feel relieved. And exposed. And anxious. Too many things to keep track of as he keeps watching Jungkook, trying to make sense of that still surprised expression, how lost he seems, how quiet he is. Quiet, that is, until he suddenly isn't. Jungkook's confession comes out in a stumbling sort of rush, a single breath that has Yoongi feeling softer than he ever has for the younger boy--which is saying quite a lot.

Another radiant, gummy smile lights up long before Jungkook stops talking. Yoongi listens to all the unfinished sentences and hesitant admissions, the fondness only growing in his chest with every use of friend. It's one thing to assume this is what Jungkook was thinking and feeling before, but it's something else entirely to hear it all confirmed, to know that Jungkook liked him for just as long. "I guess I can save you the trouble of finding someone else then," Yoongi says with a breathless sort of laugh, ridiculously happy and still in a sort of disbelief about the past two minutes. "If--if that's what you still want." If I'm still what you want falls unspoken as Yoongi lets his free hand lightly graze the younger boy's cheek, brushing his wind-swept hair aside so he can see him better.

jungkook is sure that he's never felt like this before in his entire life. he's never felt quite like this, has never had his heart pound in his chest quite like this, has never thought that he might possibly have a heart attack at any given second. he was certain that there was nothing that could ever come close to how he felt the very first time that he sent yoongi a message online, when he reached out, or how it felt whenever he sent him a photo for the first time, how he felt waiting for him in the little cafe. all of those anxieties suddenly seem like nothing at all compared to this, compared to the dawning realization that absolutely everything is out on the table, more or less. that so many of his thoughts, feelings, the things that he's been fighting so hard to keep at bay are out on display now, just like this, for yoongi to do whatever he pleases with.

and yoongi is smiling at him. it's the same smile that's already captured his heart, laid a claim to it, as if the rest of everything about yoongi hadn't already. it's the same smile that he's absolutely sure he would love to see at least a million more times over. the same smile that makes him feel a rush of butterflies in his stomach, that makes him weak in the knees, that makes him continue to wonder whether or not all of this is just one elaborate dream. he's tempted to pinch himself, just to make sure. but the feeling of yoongi's fingers lightly grazing his skin is enough to make it obvious, even alongside words that sound much, much too good to be true. before he's even entirely aware of it, jungkook is nodding his head eagerly. "it is. i mean, you are. i mean, i do. if it's .. if it's really what you want, too, hyung. if you're sure ... if it's okay."

Yoongi has imagined this conversation so many times. Even on the train here he thought about what he might say, how he might initiate all of this with the very same kid who blushes at every compliment and only expresses himself fully in his art. It feels surreal. But what's even better is that for the first time in perhaps the entire time he's known Jungkook, the younger boy doesn't seem guarded in any way. They've been slowly chipping away at the distance, pulling just a little bit closer to each other with every hour, but now that the truth's out there in the open there's nothing left to separate them. No more possible misunderstandings, no more doubt, no more wishful thinking, no more waiting. Because Jungkook wants this, too. Yoongi can't help but laugh at the flurry of eager answers he gets, but the fact of the matter is that all of them sound good. Perfect, actually. Everything about this moment is perfect.

"More than okay," he assures, trailing his fingers down to the boy's shoulder. "It's what I've wanted for a long time too, and..." It's only then that Yoongi notices what he should have been paying attention to before--the time on his watch. For a moment the numbers don't make sense, mind too hyper-aware of his own beating heart and the way Jungkook is looking at him to pay much attention to anything else. But then it clicks: 9:46 pm. And just like that he's painfully brought right back to reality. "Shit," he suddenly rushes, eyes widening. "I only have fourteen minutes to get to my train."

jungkook really has no idea what to expect now. there's no way to know how this is going to go, what's going to happen, what else is going to be said or how it's going to affect them. he doesn't really know what this is going to mean in the long run or how to navigate it, he isn't even sure what the rest of this conversation is going to bring. all he knows is that apparently yoongi feels the same way, the same feelings that he's been battling for what feels like far too long, the same impossible kinds of things that are suddenly all right here at his fingertips. he isn't entirely sure what to do with them, what to do with any of it, even as yoongi starts talking again, starts reassuring him, as his touch trails down to jungkook's shoulder instead. and then, just as quickly as everything else happened, something else does.

it takes jungkook a few moments longer to catch up to what it is that yoongi is saying. his train, fourteen minutes, they're still standing on the beach and he's going to be late if they don't hurry - he's going to miss it. once those few moments pass, once everything clicks, jungkook feels himself reacting before he even really knows what it is that he's doing. it's all thanks to the fact that this is his home town, he's lived here for his entire life, he knows exactly where it is that yoongi needs to be and how to get there from here. so in a lot of ways, it makes sense. it makes sense that this would be his panicked response, to grasp yoongi's hand tightly within his own, to breathe a hurried "come on, let's go." that's all the warning he gives before he's taking off, pulling yoongi along with him, making sure that he keeps up as he runs in the direction of the train station, still full of so many impossible, incredible feelings, hoping that, somehow, they'll be able to make it on time.

It all happens very quickly after that: the shared realization, the determined set of Jungkook's expression, the way he grasps his hand and holds on tight, saying something that only half-way registers. Before Yoongi even fully realizes what's going on, he's running to keep up with Jungkook's pace. The kid moves fast, and at first Yoongi has a hard time forcing his body to do what it needs to do, especially after coming off a nice stroll on the beach that basically led to them confessing their feelings for each other and--holy shit. No, need to focus. Just need to go. Adrenaline finally kicks in as they turn off the beach, rounding a sharp corner that has Yoongi holding onto the younger boy for dear life. He starts laughing despite himself--or as well as he can when he's already breathless from the most exercise he's gotten all month. Because it feels unreal all over again. Feels like a movie, hand in hand racing through the city and trying to beat time.

The only real thing that runs through his mind during all this is thank god Jungkook knows where he's going. Yoongi trusts the other without even thinking twice about it, doesn't have any doubt about the path Jungkook takes them on. And still it comes as a relative surprise when they come up to the station as quickly as they do, familiar from this morning and ticking down the minutes outside. He won't feel relief, not really, until he's actually sitting on the train. Yoongi turns to Jungkook then, words coming out in a breathless rush of gratitude and concern. "Thank you--for this and the whole day. You need to text me when you get home safe, okay? We'll talk more, okay? About everything."

jungkook doesn't think that it would be possible for this - for anything about yoongi, really - to feel any more impossible than it already has, than it already does. but it does. it all feels impossible. yoongi feels impossible, and it probably has a lot to do with the conversation they just had, the one that had to come to a screeching, unexpected halt, the way that yoongi told him things he's been wishing he could hear from the older man for far, far too long now. jungkook can't linger on it too much. can't linger on it at all, really. not when they're racing down sidewalks, doing their best, reaching the station entirely breathless and with a few minutes to spare.

he's nodding along with yoongi's words almost from the moment they start coming out, listening and at the same time nervous for him, hoping he'll be able to make it onto his train. "thank you, hyung. for everything. i'll text you, i promise," he rushes back, and can't really help himself when he surges forward for a hug, tight and quick, because just leaving yoongi like this, with nothing else, feels all kinds of wrong. but after that, it feels better. jungkook feels better, as better as he can after the rushed goodbye, lingering in the station just enough to watch as yoongi starts to make his way to where he needs to be. it isn't until he reaches into his bag for his phone to check the time that the realization runs over him, that he forgot to give yoongi back the art, and before he can actually think about anything he's calling out to him, holding up the folder with both the print and small canvas tucked safely inside, "hyung! hyung - wait!"

Something inside of Yoongi eases once Jungkook is nodding along, promising that he'll keep in touch and let him know once he's home safe. There's no use kicking himself over something he can't change now, but he can't help but regret how the night is ending. How they didn't have the opportunity to talk everything out in person, that Yoongi can't be the one to walk Jungkook home and be sure he's exactly where he needs to be, that they have to leave it on such a rushed note. But then the reminder comes just as quickly, Jungkook pulling him into a tight hug, and--right. This feeling flows fierce between both of them, and they don't have to be scared of it anymore, don't have to hide it or push it away. Yoongi's heart jumps in his throat as he holds him close for that too-brief second. It's hard to pull away, even harder not to look back, but Yoongi manages.

And he's that much closer to the train when Jungkook's voice suddenly calls out, sounding panicked. Yoongi whips around to see the folder waving in the air, Jungkook's expectant, anxious expression, and he doesn't think twice before rushing back to grab the art. He holds the folder close just like he did with the younger boy, smiling despite himself. "Thank you." There's so much more he wants to say, wants to do, but the final boarding call is being announced, and he has no time to spare. So Yoongi lets go and makes it onto the train just at the last moment. He practically collapses onto the first empty seat he finds, still slightly breathless, art held protectively against his chest. Jungkook's art. His art. And he doesn't let go for the entire journey home.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[yoongi/jungkook] ; heart shaker

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject