kkaeppsong | [yoongi/jungkook] ; heart shaker

[yoongi/jungkook] ; heart shaker

jungkook feels like he's been waiting for this for at least a lifetime. sometimes it seems like that; he goes back and forth between feeling like he's known yoongi for years and feeling like it's only been a little while. neither option is quite right, and the length of time doesn't really matter - what matters is how comfortable jungkook feels, always has felt talking to yoongi. what matters is the way that he makes his heart race a little bit too fast and his skin flush just a little too hot, how jungkook feels every time he sees - or even thinks about - a picture of him. he has a crush. jungkook knows that. he's completely, utterly, head over heels in like with yoongi hyung and he absolutely knows it. what he isn't entirely sure of, though, is everything else that comes with it. it's hard to know what yoongi thinks, how exactly he's feeling, especially when jungkook is far, far too shy to ever just come out and ask him. but he can't help feeling like the older man making this trip, coming here just to meet him, to see him, to hang out with him - well, it's got to mean something, right?

it does mean something. that's what jungkook tells himself whenever he gets ready, and thank god he started so early in the morning even though they aren't meeting until the afternoon. it's the same struggle as always, only worse, somehow. jungkook has no idea how many times he changes before he ends up settled on something casual, normal, something like what he wears every other day - comfortable, fitted (and only slightly ripped) black jeans and an oversized white tshirt. he spends far too long fussing with his hair just to pull a beanie on over it at the last moment, stepping into his old, worn pair of timberlands on the way out the door. it's almost like he's a different person - the outside definitely doesn't match the inside, the only real giveaways that he's the very same person who posts his art online being the sketchbook he brings along in his bag and the small cluster of flowers painted on the inside of his wrist on one side, leftover from the last practice.

he makes sure to arrive early - far too early, and ends up regretting it not long after. sitting by himself in the little cafe means that he can't seem to stop looking at the door or out the windows, checking his phone even when it's still an hour away from the time they're supposed to meet. in the end, jungkook settles on pulling out his sketchbook, distracting himself by adding onto the last thing he'd been working on the night before.

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Yoongi's starting to get to use to these skittish moments Jungkook falls into every few minutes, the pattern in them. The younger boy is shy by nature of course, but this sort of flustered energy seems to be especially triggered by the subject of them, even in the context of being friends. If there's even another context at all. In all honesty, Yoongi can't fault him for the nerves, because it's the same thing he's been wondering about a lot on his own lately. He knows it isn't fair to not talk with Jungkook about it, to not share what he's feeling and thinking about him, but...well. Yoongi watches with a little quirk to his lips as the younger boy rushes through his words only to trail off quietly. The thought is left unfinished, but Yoongi can pretty much fill in the rest. He knows it was going to be a sweet sentiment.

But what if Jungkook doesn't find what Yoongi wants to say to be just sweet sentiments? What if it's actually too much to deal with? Yoongi can't shake off the persistent urge he has to protect Jungkook, despite the equally strong urge to just lay it all out on the table. Having calm, honest conversations is best, he's told the boy before. Always. "I understand," he says gently, catching on the boy's blush, "and thank you again." Yoongi reaches out across the table with the drawing and painting, carefully offering them back. "Could you still keep them in your bag for now? I don't wanna mess them up by carrying them around uncovered." Because he hopes they'll have the chance to do more today. Because he wants to do as much as possible with Jungkook at his side. It's a much more neutral topic to turn to now, and maybe that's for the best. Yoongi clears his throat, picking up his Americano before immediately thinking better of it. It's gone completely cold. "So, was there anything else you wanted to do today?"

Edited 2018-01-14 18:34 (UTC)

jungkook kind of hates it sometimes, if he's being honest with himself. how flustered he gets, how difficult it can be to say what's on his mind. it's something he's struggled with for longer than he's known yoongi, but also something that's undoubtedly triggered by the older man as well in a way that he's never really experienced before. sure, he's had crushes, he's been interested, he's dated other people here and there throughout the years. but someone like yoongi, someone who feels so perfect, so unattainable and yet so close, comfortable. jungkook knows he's never had anything quite like this before, he's never felt this way about someone else, friend or otherwise. and it's likely that that keeps him from saying anything about it, for fear that bringing it up would make things weird, for respect that they are friends - just friends. jungkook reassures himself of that consistently, knows realistically that he can't be the first, can't be the only person that's ever felt something like this for yoongi, especially given the nature of his content. and yoongi has expressed on more than one occasion how nice it is to have that friendship, that understanding - keeping that is more important than anything else, as far as jungkook is concerned.

yoongi understands him, of course he does, the same as always. and at first jungkook is confused, only for a split second, before yoongi's words catch up to him and he understands why he's offering him the artwork back. he accepts it immediately, nodding with an "oh, right, of course!" before busying himself with carefully tucking the pieces back into his bag, safe and sound, right where they were before he pulled them out in the first place. he's just finishing up when the next question hits him, and it leaves jungkook a little surprised, hopeful, feeling that insistent fluttering all over again. "oh! um, i don't know.. i hadn't thought of anything, but, if there's anything else you want to see in the city while you're here, we could do it! i mean, depending on when you need to get back, or what your plans are, you know..."

Yoongi, of course, has never once been to Busan. All of his family lives in Daegu or Seoul, and it's not as if he makes a priority out of traveling when most of his free time is dedicated to holing up inside with his videos and schoolwork. The quiet solitude of work is comfortable, something he's more than familiar with. But he didn't come all this way to see Jungkook, they didn't have all these months of build up, only for him to turn around after only a couple hours together at a coffee shop. He wouldn't be satisfied with that. For someone who keeps his social engagements to a minimum, who prefers to stay at home with what he knows, all Yoongi really wants to do right now is spend his entire day in Busan with Jungkook. He doesn't so much care what they do or where they go. He knows, because of the whipped man he is, that he'd go along with anything Jungkook suggests. As long as it meant stretching out this time with Jungkook, Yoongi's all in.

Realistically, though, Jungkook isn't going to suggest anything he wants to do on his own. The kid's too sweet and accommodating for that, which is made all the more apparent with his pleasantly surprised answer, how naturally he comes back to what's best for Yoongi. It has him reaching in his pocket and pulling out a single train ticket for emphasis. "I booked the 10 pm train," he says, laughing a little. "My plans back home are nonexistent." And then, remembering something he had heard Namjoon mention a couple times before--really, grasping for any ideas at all that might interest the younger boy, who's clearly lived here his whole life--he comes out with, "Gukje Market sounds cool? You know, just walking around the city. Eating more, eating a lot, probably." The thought that Jungkook himself might be busy pops up, that maybe he was just too polite to mention it at first. "I don't want to interrupt any of your plans either though--I can explore on my own if you need to head out, no big deal."

in a way, it's funny that the two of them hadn't really discussed any of this in any more detail - how long yoongi was staying, what they were going to do, whether or not the plans would extend into anything more. maybe it was just in case, just to feel out how things would go, but jungkook is sure that there's no way that he ever could have been anything but completely comfortable and happy around yoongi. they've been talking for far too long for anything to change that, and it means that whenever yoongi pulls out his ticket with that little laugh, confirming that the entire day is theirs if they want it that way, it feels even better. jungkook can't help but laugh a little bit right along with him, also because he's much the same - plans aren't something he comes by often, preferring to spend his time on his own, working on something or, well, talking to the older man. suddenly it seems a little bit obvious that they both should have known that would be the case.

it is nice, though, and helpful that yoongi has at least one idea of something that sounds interesting to him. just before he's making much the same kind of comment about jungkook's schedule, one that immediately has him shaking his head slightly. "no! i mean, i'm not busy at all. i don't have anything else going on today, so, i mean, i'm free for as long as you want me to be!" it comes out in a little bit of a rush, one that has him turning just slightly pink, another one of those shy little smiles, but he presses himself to continue on anyway. "we can go to the market! i don't think it should be too busy around this time of day. there's definitely a lot to eat .. if you like seafood, i can show you some of the best places!"

Just in case was exactly what was on Yoongi's mind--but not for himself. He's happy that he can call Jungkook one of his close friends, that the two of them talk almost every day, have built up a level of comfort with each other that frankly doesn't happen all that often with other people in Yoongi's life. But at the end of the day they're still just meeting for the first time. They met online, and while Yoongi has nothing against the origin of their friendship, it's always good to exercise some caution meeting face to face. Yoongi didn't explicitly share this with Jungkook, but that was sort of the point--he didn't want to decide how their day was going to go, how it should go. Or even how Jungkook should feel about him. If for any reason he didn't want to spend more time with Yoongi, if something didn't sit right with him, if Yoongi didn't end up being the person he thought he was...well, that was that. The last thing Yoongi wants is to tell Jungkook what he's supposed to feel.

Which makes it all the more satisfying when Jungkook immediately shakes off his concern, making it clear he's just as free as Yoongi. He's also relieved the younger boy doesn't find his suggestion strange or boring. The aquarium route seems a little too touristy, the beaches too populated, shopping centers too expensive, but walking around an outdoor market with Jungkook, just being in his company, sounds pretty perfect to him. "You definitely need to show me the best places," Yoongi agrees, finding Jungkook's excitement way too infectious and adorable. "Do you want to head out soon?" He's already devoured his pastry, and while he doesn't mind waiting for as long as Jungkook needs to finish up, the excitement of more is starting to tug at his chest.

if simply meeting yoongi at all seemed like it was too good to be true, well, the idea of spending the whole day with him is something that jungkook can barely comprehend. but it's something that's going to happen, they've already decided, they're starting to plan out how things can go, and jungkook feels a rush of excited anticipation similar to what he was feeling earlier in the day coming over him. but this time it isn't because of any uncertainty. he doesn't have to worry about how things are going to go with yoongi, what meeting him face to face will be like, what he will or won't say. all there is is the excitement of spending more time together, doing something else, getting to know each other that much more - and spending time with someone who he already feels so close to. it sounds perfect, jungkook thinks to himself. absolutely perfect. and as soon as they've decided to do it, he's all but ready to head out as soon as yoongi is. he doesn't even realize that he never managed to touch his hot chocolate thanks to the nerves - at least he neatly pops the last bit of the bread into his mouth, dusting his fingers off with a smile and a nod, making sure to chew and swallow every bit of food in his mouth before responding with a "sure, let's head out now, if you want?"

it isn't far, and doesn't take long for them to make their way to the market. it's within comfortable walking distance, and jungkook is pleased enough to find that he doesn't feel uncomfortable walking with yoongi, talking idly about things, pointing out some things along the way that he thinks the older man might find interesting to take note of. it just feels .. nice. comfortable in the same way that most everything else does with the older man, enough so that jungkook feels himself slowly opening up that bit more, starting to shake off some of the lingering shyness overall, though it still creeps up from time to time, depending on what yoongi says or the way that he looks at him. jungkook himself is still finding it hard not to look at yoongi too much, though the walk is decidedly a good distraction for that. it's even better once they finally start to approach the market, and jungkook nods his head towards it once it's just up ahead, smiling.

"that's the market!" he announces, probably unnecessarily, but he can't exactly help himself. "so, what do you want to start with? the food? or .. everything else?"

Yoongi knows he's made the right choice as soon as they leave the little cafe, the cute image of a beaming Jungkook dusting off his fingers, readying himself to leave lingering with him as he and the younger boy step onto the street. Just walking together like this is better than any late night conversation. He finds himself being an all too willing audience for Jungkook's show and tell, listening to his comments about the city with genuine curiosity--and perhaps genuine affection as well, watching the boy's big eyes light up as he talks. Happy. Relaxed. Yoongi feels he could spend hours just like this, talking with Jungkook about nothing in particular, going nowhere in particular. In fact, he almost starts to forget where exactly they're going in the first place until they turn onto a different street and the sprawling market seems to suddenly bursts out around them. It's almost too much to take in all at once, covering several blocks as far as Yoongi can see. And--oh yeah, he was the one who suggested this, didn't he?

He turns back to Jungkook, considering his question for all of two seconds before offering an easy smile. "Everything else." And then, without thinking much about it, his hand finds the younger boy's, holding it lightly, companionably in his own. "Come on," he says, gently tugging Jungkook in the direction of the very first stand that happened to catch his eye--that one, right there by the produce and housewares. Huge baskets of flowers, every kind imaginable as far as what Yoongi can tell, spill out over long tables, crammed together so that it looks like a miniature oasis amidst the rest of the city. Yoongi can't exactly say why he was drawn to this one first--maybe because of the beauty of the flowers, or the rich, interesting colors. Maybe because they always seem to hold such inspiration for the younger boy still at his side.

of course, jungkook would have been happy with absolutely anything that yoongi wanted to do in the city. it wouldn't have mattered if he had listed off the same, typical touristy type attractions that jungkook himself is far too familiar with, or the aquariums that he's gone to with his family ever since he was a child. dimply doing anything at all with yoongi would have been a fun, new experience, so much more than worth it. any and all of it would have been welcomed with open arms, but something like this is even better, because it piques jungkook's interest at the same time. because it's been a while since he himself has been around here, because there's always something new to discover, because it's just as relaxed and casual as everything else is.

that is, until yoongi is smiling at him like that, reaching for his hand a matter of moments later. it makes him pause, makes his heart skip a beat before rabbiting forcefully in his chest, makes him feel quite like there might be some part of him - or several parts of him - that are short circuiting. it's nothing special, nowhere near too much, just enough, just something friendly, something easy, and yet jungkook can't fight the flush burning over his cheeks, the kind of stupid, giddy excitement that swoops through him just from that. by the time he comes back from it all they're already stood in front of a stall, and jungkook blinks an array of different flowers into focus, so many colors, varieties, not to mention the fragrance that comes from them all. it leaves him wide eyed, looks incredible, even as something so simple, almost as if he were the one traveling out of his hometown. "wow," he breathes out lightly. "they're really gorgeous, aren't they?"

Standing here surrounded by all these beautiful flowers, Yoongi can see, perhaps for the very first time, some of what Jungkook must see in them. He's never exactly stopped and this much paid attention before, not really, but now it feels like he can't do anything else. There's something exuberant, joyful about the washes of color, petals turning lightly in the breeze, as carefree as a summer afternoon. Is this what Jungkook tries to capture? Is it just the beautiful forms? Is it something else? Yoongi's mesmerized as he tosses around different ideas--and apparently he's not alone. Yoongi can feel the younger boy's shift in focus before he even breathes out that single word, the way he quiets. Standing shoulder to shoulder, hands still clasped together, they both take in the stand. "Yeah," Yoongi nods, "They really are."

One, in particular, catches his eye after a moment. A bunch of yellow flowers spill out of a hanging basket above them, something he had nearly missed before--and he's instantly struck by the strange familiarity of them. Which is odd, because he knows next to nothing about flowers. The fact that these should stand out in any way to him doesn't make sense. But then the realization comes, another smile tugging at his lips as he uses his free hand to bring down a single stem from the basket. The one that has such an interesting likeness to a painting he's never forgotten about. Presenting the flower to Jungkook, he asks, "Doesn't this remind you of the first picture you posted online? The flowers you painted on your hand? It's still one of my favorites."

jungkook doesn't know it himself, exactly what it is that's drawn him to flowers. he's felt a strange pull towards them for far too long, simply enjoys trying to doodle them, create them, capture the kinds of feelings that he can get just through looking at them. it's become something of a hobby of his, along with some kind of a signature, something he thinks that he could get known for, maybe, one day. or at least, maybe he would think that way, if he were the type of person to have thoughts like that. in the end, though, what it comes down to perhaps more than anything else, is that he simply likes them. he likes looking at them, likes trying to recreate them for himself, thinks they're pretty, delicate, simple. he's always had a liking for pretty things.

he could easily stay just like this, caught up in looking at them for far too long if he wasn't careful. but before he has the chance, yoongi tugs him out of it with his voice, with the offering of a single, brightly colored flower and a question that makes jungkook pause, then smile as the realization slowly washes over him. "it does, doesn't it? like a sunflower," he responds, unable to keep from laughing just a little bit, asking, "you still remember that?" a moment later, because it's genuinely surprising to him that yoongi would. it keeps the flush settled nicely over his cheeks from budging at all, the thought that yoongi would remember such a thing, that yoongi holds him in his mind like that at all.

Yoongi remembers a lot of things. It seems like second nature now to pick up on all the little things when it comes to the younger boy, like Yoongi's body is hard-wired to pay attention to everything Jungkook does or says. Or posts. He's not quite sure when it started to get bad, but he definitely knows it started with that photograph of the painted yellow flower on his hand. And there's not much he can do about it now, not when he's in this deep. He gives a small shrug as Jungkook's expression goes back to being shy, maybe even pleased that Yoongi held onto it. "Of course I remember. It made me want to get to know you better," he says, without thinking too much about the honesty and whether it's the right time to actually delve into all of it. Right now he simply feels nice being with Jungkook, making him smile, and the good mood has him giving Jungkook's hand another little squeeze, another little tug.

They bounce around to a couple other stands, checking out handmade toys and home decorations and all kinds of odd knick knacks and little treasures. Yoongi's positive he's never seen so much stuff crammed together in once place, and he's fascinated by it all. Enticing scents of smoked meat and spiced vegetables fill the air as they get closer to the food stalls, Yoongi more than happy to keep moving in that direction. But he's also caught by a different section, slowing to a halt in front of one of the many tables specializing in clothing and accessories. This one is brimming with all kinds of pretty jewelry he takes a second glance at, Yoongi's fingers grazing over a rather dainty, slender black necklace. Choker? He's fairly sure that's what they're called. "Pretty," he murmurs, wondering absent-mindedly if he's just being attracted to the things that remind him of Jungkook. This time, though, there's no real basis in reality. Picturing Jungkook with pretty things just comes too easily.

jungkook is more than happy to let yoongi lead the way. it's his first time here, after all. he was the one who brought up the market, the one who wants to explore it, the one who should be able to take his time looking at all of the things that eh wants to see. jungkook doesn't mind. he's more than satisfied just like this, with their hands still clasped together, with the slight squeeze that yoongi gives and the way that it makes his heart flutter, just a little bit.

the best thing about the market is that it's always changing. it doesn't matter how many times that jungkook has been here, the stalls are always different, never quite holding the exact same things, and that's a lot of the charm that comes with it. there's always new stuff to look at, such an endless array of unique, special things. he isn't shy in pointing out things that look particularly interesting, in starting up conversations, every exchange getting easier, more comfortable. it's easy for him to slow to a halt when yoongi does the same, looking to see what caught his eye, his own gaze drawn down to the very same necklace that the older man seems caught up in looking at. "oh, wow," he comments softly, leaning that little bit closer, just enough to get a better look. "it is pretty. that style of necklace is really nice, too."

Edited 2018-01-31 19:11 (UTC)

"I bet it would look pretty on you." The words come out before Yoongi has the chance to reel them back in. It's as honest as everything else, because looking at the delicate thing in his hands, it's impossible not to picture Jungkook wearing it. It's growing increasingly impossible to not picture Jungkook all the time period. The younger boy lingers in his mind so often it's as though he belongs there. Just like his art belongs in Yoongi's apartment, just like his sweet messages belong in a small corner of Yoongi's heart, just like his hand seems to belong in his hand, still holding on gently. Somewhere along the way, as they move through the market without worrying about time, their fingers lace together. Yoongi doesn't quite know who does it first, but he knows he holds on that much tighter. So much warmth. It's a constant reminder of how close they are, and how much closer Yoongi wants to be. Longs to be.

It's only after their second round of snacks that Yoongi finally seems to notice the darkening streets, the quieter thrum of city activity. Evening is fast approaching. The two of them wander away from the market, content to stay together while they still have some time left. They don't talk about it, really--they just keep walking side by side, content with wherever they end up. Which happens to be a nearby beach, one of those famous ones Busan is known for, touristy and local at the same time. It feels calmer at night, with less people around and the dark, glittering water rolling soft on the shore. Feels exactly where he would want to be tonight with Jungkook. "Not much of a beach person, but I can see why this place is so popular," Yoongi says as they walk along, taking in the view for a few moments. "Today just went by so fast."

jungkook doesn't really know how any of it happens. in that way, it's just like everything else that's happened with yoongi so far, like every other part of their relationship. sometimes it's hard to remember exactly how he found his videos in the first place, exactly when they started talking, exactly when he started to feel like maybe he was feeling just a little too much - a lot too much. all of it seems to have blurred together, especially now, especially today, where jungkook feels simultaneously happier, more relaxed than he has in some time and also like his heart keeps fluttering, like his stomach is going to somehow gain wings and fly off all on its own whenever yoongi looks at him or says certain things, whenever he smiles or laughs a certain way, whenever somehow, their fingers end up laced together much more intimately than what they were before.

jungkook just feels good. in a lot of ways, it's just as simple as that. it feels good walking with yoongi along the beach, somewhere he hasn't been in a little while, taking it all in again. he doesn't really want to think about the fact that this is all going to be coming to an end soon - that yoongi will have to get on a train back home, that it won't be something that can just keep going on and on forever, even as much as they both wish that it could. but it's inevitable, really, even if the way that yoongi addresses it is still indirect at first. jungkook just finds himself nodding along with the words that the older man is saying, listening closely just like he has all day, swinging their hands - still linked - back and forth a little bit without even realizing that he's doing it. "it did," he agrees, a little more softly, followed by a shy admission of, "i kind of wish that we could rewind and just do it over again."

The thought is particularly appealing to Yoongi--rewinding and experiencing the day with Jungkook again. Seeing the younger boy smile up at him for the first time, hugging him for the first time, seeing the way he lit up from within when he praised his art and feeling the shy touch of his hand. Right now it's still safely in his own, but the way Jungkook's walking has their arms swinging lightly between them. Yoongi likes the feel of it just as much as he likes how comfortable Jungkook seems to be, relaxed enough to not be made too self-aware. It'd be nice to stay like this. Maybe the two could walk the entire length of the beach all night and soak up every last bit of time together. The train ticket in his pocket somehow feels unforgiving, but it's not like Yoongi expected the day to end any other way. Of course he would have to go back home to Daegu eventually and leave Jungkook.

Maybe he just didn't expect how difficult that last part would be.

"Maybe we can." Yoongi's own voice is soft, mellowed out by the gentle sounds of the ocean and the affection that's been lingering inside of him ever since he laid eyes on the kid. He gives Jungkook's hand a reassuring squeeze. "I can come back and we can do everything over again. Just say when, and I'll be here." It sounds awfully close to Namjoon's assessment of his current situation--you're whipped, man--and at this point Yoongi couldn't care less. He's not going to lie to Jungkook. And he's not sure how much longer he'll be able to keep glossing over the truth with platonic, friendly intentions when all he really wants to do is tell Jungkook how much he means to him. When just having him this close is doing a number on his heart.

it's a little funny, because it's not as if anything about it is a mystery. they both knew when they made these plans how it was going to go, more or less. perhaps jungkook hadn't realized just how long their day together would stretch on, but he knew that at the end of it, however long it was, yoongi would be heading back home and they would be back to normal, back to usual, back to what it was like before jungkook knew what it was like to hear yoongi's voice in person or feel the warmth of the older man's hand clasped tightly with his own. it feels different than jungkook was ready for, like an ache somewhere in his chest, starting up even though yoongi hasn't even gone anywhere yet. it's too much. jungkook is sure that it is, but at least yoongi can't see it.

what yoongi likely can see is the slight surprise that comes over him with those words, as if he hadn't been expecting it. the way he smiles a littly shy, how he nods his head easily, still swinging their joined hands ever so slightly back and forth without even realizing it. he doesn't know how to say actually, i kind of wish that you never had to leave. there's no friendly way to put that, nothing that wouldn't be crossing a line he's still kept carefully in mind. so instead he absently bites at his lower lip for a moment, a nervous tick, before "i'd like that," comes out. "whenever you have the time, i'd like that a lot, hyung."

There's no friendly way to put a lot of what Yoongi's thinking, either. Maybe it was easier before, when there was still so much distance and so many questions between the two of them, when he could let himself believe that his feelings were likely obviously one-sided. But he can't not notice the shy, pleased smile that tugs at the corner of Jungkook's lips at the promise of his return. And he can't stop remembering how Jungkook confirmed he's never made art for anyone else besides Yoongi. And he definitely can't help this feeling that underneath the politeness, and the sweetness, and the genuine friendship they've shared for all these months, there is something even bigger burning within the boy, the same ache reflected in his own chest. So many times Yoongi could sense it, even in the smallest of actions, in the messages. And so many times he didn't say anything.

"Or." The word stops short just as Yoongi's heart pounds something fierce, racing a bit too fast. No friendly way to put it. Suddenly the thought of coming back and reliving this exact same day with Jungkook--exercising the exact same restraint, swallowing the exact same desire--feels suffocating to him. Of course he wants to see Jungkook. He'll make time for it. He'll always want to make time for Jungkook. He just wants so much more than that and god, fuck it. "Or," Yoongi tries again, somehow keeping his voice calm, "I can come back and spend the whole day kissing you instead."

jungkook really doesn't know what it is that he expects in response to what he says. maybe some more of the soft smiles that he's come to associate with yoongi now, more of those butterflies, more of that soft ache that's settled itself inside of him and made a home over the last few months. maybe yoongi will simply agree. maybe they'll keep up this easy, comfortable back and forth, still hand in hand, until they have to make their way to the train station. until he has to see yoongi off, until they're back to simple text messages back and forth, the same way it's been for so long now. funny how it suddenly feels impossible, feels like somehow he's known yoongi for years, just like this, not like it's still their first time meeting face to face.

he's still a little lost in his thoughts by the time that yoongi starts to respond, cutting his own words off at first. it's unusual enough to catch jungkook's attention, bringing it back fully just in time for him to catch the full sentence. just in time for him to feel like his heart might have stopped, skipped a beat. it speeds up, suddenly pounding hard and fast as his mind scrambles and races to catch up to what it thinks it just heard, heart jumping up into his throat, because of all of the things that he could have expected, something like that was never even anywhere on the list. not at all. it leaves jungkook staring for a few seconds too long, and he knows that much, at least. feels it, the way that his eyes widen, how his expression freezes. feels the way his fingers still in their gentle back and forth, still grasping yoongi's between them. "i..." his face is flushed bright red, voice catching and stuttering over syllables, and he has absolutely no idea what to say. what ends up coming out in the end is "i.. h-hyung... you want to... what?"

For a moment, Yoongi considers that maybe this was entirely the wrong way to start this conversation. It's hard not to think that when Jungkook is looking like he suddenly got slapped, all wide eyes and a flushed face, seeming equal parts stunned and disbelieving as he stops short in the sand. It also almost makes Yoongi feel bad for the kid. He's known long before this trip that he wanted to share his feelings in person--whenever that might be--and there's several things he wants, needs Jungkook to know if...whatever they are progresses into something else. Something even better. But he didn't exactly prepare an opening statement, and perhaps he should have. But the moment passes--and Jungkook's incredulous question does nothing to discourage the momentum that's started. It fuels it.

They've stopped walking now, and Yoongi turns to properly face the younger boy, studying him for a few moments. His eyes are dark, serious. "I want to kiss you," he repeats without hesitation. This time the words fall heavy, all too real in the short space between them, without any room for misinterpretation. "I want to take care of you--all of you. I want to be with you." His thumb brushes the back of Jungkook's hand softly, voice lowering as he continues. They're the only ones around on this strip of the beach, and somehow it feels like it could stay that way for the rest of the night--like maybe he has the time to explain everything he should. If Jungkook wants to listen to him, that is. Then, Yoongi's gaze drops, because staring into those wide, expectant eyes is suddenly too much. "You...you're incredible, Jungkook. It wouldn't be right for me not to tell you at least once."

jungkook is nearly ready to convince himself that he's hearing things, that he must have been hearing things, that there's absolutely no way that this could possibly be happening right now. to put it simply, even the thought of it feels impossible. it feels impossible just like how he felt when they first started talking, when yoongi dedicated a video to him for the first time, complimented him, when he greeted him with a hug the moment they saw each other in person. it feels too good to be true. feels far away, the kind of thing that he's wanted, that he knows that he's wanted, for months on end now. the kind of thing that he would never say, because he could never inconvenience yoongi like that. because he's much too good of a friend now for jungkook to feel comfortable risking it. because he's always told himself that having yoongi in any way was better, so much better than even the possibility of something more, only because he couldn't handle the other side of the whole thing.

but now, right now, there's something else entirely looking him right in the face. something he never could have prepared for, never could have expected, and jungkook feels rooted to the spot. all that he can do is continue looking at yoongi, eyes wide, heart thundering in his chest, feeling like there's every possibility that it could beat itself out if this continues. he's wondered before, what it would sound like if yoongi said those things to him. what it would feel like, what it would be like. knowing feels even more impossible than the alternative, in a way that he would never be able to put into words. his mind feels like it's racing, so many thoughts colliding and tripping over one another that he isn't entirely sure where to start. he isn't sure if he even knows how to. but he has to. he has to say something, has to give yoongi some idea of what he's thinking, how he's feeling. he has no idea what to say, and maybe that's why everything comes rushing out all at once. "hyung, i'm... i ... i really like you," is the first thing that comes out, the words blurted more than anything else, nearly involuntary. but once they're out there, he can't stop. "i've really liked you for a long time, actually. but i never wanted to .. i mean, we're friends, and i didn't.. i'd rather be friends with you than nothing at all. you know? but, you're so ... i've always thought that i. i would be so lucky, if i could find someone like you."

Yoongi feels a weight immediately lift from his shoulders, one he wasn't even fully aware of, once everything comes out. Sometimes it's easy to forget just how long he's been holding this inside of him, how it's become just another one of his routines, something always lingering in the back of his mind. Saying his feelings out loud, in no uncertain terms, is something he's thought about for so long. Now that it's happening now, here, Yoongi can't help but feel relieved. And exposed. And anxious. Too many things to keep track of as he keeps watching Jungkook, trying to make sense of that still surprised expression, how lost he seems, how quiet he is. Quiet, that is, until he suddenly isn't. Jungkook's confession comes out in a stumbling sort of rush, a single breath that has Yoongi feeling softer than he ever has for the younger boy--which is saying quite a lot.

Another radiant, gummy smile lights up long before Jungkook stops talking. Yoongi listens to all the unfinished sentences and hesitant admissions, the fondness only growing in his chest with every use of friend. It's one thing to assume this is what Jungkook was thinking and feeling before, but it's something else entirely to hear it all confirmed, to know that Jungkook liked him for just as long. "I guess I can save you the trouble of finding someone else then," Yoongi says with a breathless sort of laugh, ridiculously happy and still in a sort of disbelief about the past two minutes. "If--if that's what you still want." If I'm still what you want falls unspoken as Yoongi lets his free hand lightly graze the younger boy's cheek, brushing his wind-swept hair aside so he can see him better.

jungkook is sure that he's never felt like this before in his entire life. he's never felt quite like this, has never had his heart pound in his chest quite like this, has never thought that he might possibly have a heart attack at any given second. he was certain that there was nothing that could ever come close to how he felt the very first time that he sent yoongi a message online, when he reached out, or how it felt whenever he sent him a photo for the first time, how he felt waiting for him in the little cafe. all of those anxieties suddenly seem like nothing at all compared to this, compared to the dawning realization that absolutely everything is out on the table, more or less. that so many of his thoughts, feelings, the things that he's been fighting so hard to keep at bay are out on display now, just like this, for yoongi to do whatever he pleases with.

and yoongi is smiling at him. it's the same smile that's already captured his heart, laid a claim to it, as if the rest of everything about yoongi hadn't already. it's the same smile that he's absolutely sure he would love to see at least a million more times over. the same smile that makes him feel a rush of butterflies in his stomach, that makes him weak in the knees, that makes him continue to wonder whether or not all of this is just one elaborate dream. he's tempted to pinch himself, just to make sure. but the feeling of yoongi's fingers lightly grazing his skin is enough to make it obvious, even alongside words that sound much, much too good to be true. before he's even entirely aware of it, jungkook is nodding his head eagerly. "it is. i mean, you are. i mean, i do. if it's .. if it's really what you want, too, hyung. if you're sure ... if it's okay."

Yoongi has imagined this conversation so many times. Even on the train here he thought about what he might say, how he might initiate all of this with the very same kid who blushes at every compliment and only expresses himself fully in his art. It feels surreal. But what's even better is that for the first time in perhaps the entire time he's known Jungkook, the younger boy doesn't seem guarded in any way. They've been slowly chipping away at the distance, pulling just a little bit closer to each other with every hour, but now that the truth's out there in the open there's nothing left to separate them. No more possible misunderstandings, no more doubt, no more wishful thinking, no more waiting. Because Jungkook wants this, too. Yoongi can't help but laugh at the flurry of eager answers he gets, but the fact of the matter is that all of them sound good. Perfect, actually. Everything about this moment is perfect.

"More than okay," he assures, trailing his fingers down to the boy's shoulder. "It's what I've wanted for a long time too, and..." It's only then that Yoongi notices what he should have been paying attention to before--the time on his watch. For a moment the numbers don't make sense, mind too hyper-aware of his own beating heart and the way Jungkook is looking at him to pay much attention to anything else. But then it clicks: 9:46 pm. And just like that he's painfully brought right back to reality. "Shit," he suddenly rushes, eyes widening. "I only have fourteen minutes to get to my train."

jungkook really has no idea what to expect now. there's no way to know how this is going to go, what's going to happen, what else is going to be said or how it's going to affect them. he doesn't really know what this is going to mean in the long run or how to navigate it, he isn't even sure what the rest of this conversation is going to bring. all he knows is that apparently yoongi feels the same way, the same feelings that he's been battling for what feels like far too long, the same impossible kinds of things that are suddenly all right here at his fingertips. he isn't entirely sure what to do with them, what to do with any of it, even as yoongi starts talking again, starts reassuring him, as his touch trails down to jungkook's shoulder instead. and then, just as quickly as everything else happened, something else does.

it takes jungkook a few moments longer to catch up to what it is that yoongi is saying. his train, fourteen minutes, they're still standing on the beach and he's going to be late if they don't hurry - he's going to miss it. once those few moments pass, once everything clicks, jungkook feels himself reacting before he even really knows what it is that he's doing. it's all thanks to the fact that this is his home town, he's lived here for his entire life, he knows exactly where it is that yoongi needs to be and how to get there from here. so in a lot of ways, it makes sense. it makes sense that this would be his panicked response, to grasp yoongi's hand tightly within his own, to breathe a hurried "come on, let's go." that's all the warning he gives before he's taking off, pulling yoongi along with him, making sure that he keeps up as he runs in the direction of the train station, still full of so many impossible, incredible feelings, hoping that, somehow, they'll be able to make it on time.

It all happens very quickly after that: the shared realization, the determined set of Jungkook's expression, the way he grasps his hand and holds on tight, saying something that only half-way registers. Before Yoongi even fully realizes what's going on, he's running to keep up with Jungkook's pace. The kid moves fast, and at first Yoongi has a hard time forcing his body to do what it needs to do, especially after coming off a nice stroll on the beach that basically led to them confessing their feelings for each other and--holy shit. No, need to focus. Just need to go. Adrenaline finally kicks in as they turn off the beach, rounding a sharp corner that has Yoongi holding onto the younger boy for dear life. He starts laughing despite himself--or as well as he can when he's already breathless from the most exercise he's gotten all month. Because it feels unreal all over again. Feels like a movie, hand in hand racing through the city and trying to beat time.

The only real thing that runs through his mind during all this is thank god Jungkook knows where he's going. Yoongi trusts the other without even thinking twice about it, doesn't have any doubt about the path Jungkook takes them on. And still it comes as a relative surprise when they come up to the station as quickly as they do, familiar from this morning and ticking down the minutes outside. He won't feel relief, not really, until he's actually sitting on the train. Yoongi turns to Jungkook then, words coming out in a breathless rush of gratitude and concern. "Thank you--for this and the whole day. You need to text me when you get home safe, okay? We'll talk more, okay? About everything."

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