kkaeppsong | [yoongi/jungkook] ; heart shaker

[yoongi/jungkook] ; heart shaker

jungkook feels like he's been waiting for this for at least a lifetime. sometimes it seems like that; he goes back and forth between feeling like he's known yoongi for years and feeling like it's only been a little while. neither option is quite right, and the length of time doesn't really matter - what matters is how comfortable jungkook feels, always has felt talking to yoongi. what matters is the way that he makes his heart race a little bit too fast and his skin flush just a little too hot, how jungkook feels every time he sees - or even thinks about - a picture of him. he has a crush. jungkook knows that. he's completely, utterly, head over heels in like with yoongi hyung and he absolutely knows it. what he isn't entirely sure of, though, is everything else that comes with it. it's hard to know what yoongi thinks, how exactly he's feeling, especially when jungkook is far, far too shy to ever just come out and ask him. but he can't help feeling like the older man making this trip, coming here just to meet him, to see him, to hang out with him - well, it's got to mean something, right?

it does mean something. that's what jungkook tells himself whenever he gets ready, and thank god he started so early in the morning even though they aren't meeting until the afternoon. it's the same struggle as always, only worse, somehow. jungkook has no idea how many times he changes before he ends up settled on something casual, normal, something like what he wears every other day - comfortable, fitted (and only slightly ripped) black jeans and an oversized white tshirt. he spends far too long fussing with his hair just to pull a beanie on over it at the last moment, stepping into his old, worn pair of timberlands on the way out the door. it's almost like he's a different person - the outside definitely doesn't match the inside, the only real giveaways that he's the very same person who posts his art online being the sketchbook he brings along in his bag and the small cluster of flowers painted on the inside of his wrist on one side, leftover from the last practice.

he makes sure to arrive early - far too early, and ends up regretting it not long after. sitting by himself in the little cafe means that he can't seem to stop looking at the door or out the windows, checking his phone even when it's still an hour away from the time they're supposed to meet. in the end, jungkook settles on pulling out his sketchbook, distracting himself by adding onto the last thing he'd been working on the night before.

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It shouldn't be at all hard to let go, but once Jungkook's out of his arms the only thought that really takes shape is I want to have him back. Yoongi can still feel the light, affectionate touch Jungkook pressed to him, warming him from the inside out. It's ridiculous, mildly concerning--but also, in some way, a huge relief. The feelings he has for the younger boy beat just as strong--no, even stronger--now that they're together in person, and getting that small validation in of itself was worth the trip. Yoongi had wondered if he'd still feel that same spark he did over so much long distance. If maybe something would somehow change. It seems insane now that he even had those second thoughts, because he watches Jungkook as he talks. And he's beautiful. How can he be so beautiful? His voice, the way his words catch and tumble, how he blushes, those big, sparkling eyes, how open he is without even thinking about it. That he was nervous to meet Yoongi.

He doesn't comment on that, nor the fact that Jungkook came early because of those nerves. No point in shining a spotlight on the shyness he's honestly just incredibly fond of. "I hope I can see what you made," he says instead, genuine curiosity as Jungkook starts moving to shove things back in his bag. "For now...can I buy you a coffee?" He nods his head to the counter of the shop, where a single barista is setting out some freshly baked sweets behind the frosted glass. He's not going to come all this way and basically ask Jungkook out without treating him to something. Or perhaps a few things.

it's probably a good thing that jungkook is still busying himself with packing up all of his things, with putting them all away, that he doesn't see the way that yoongi is watching him while he talks. it feels more like stammering to him anyway, more like getting maybe just a little bit too flustered, too worked up over nothing, like there's some part of him that's still grasping to make sure that the first impression is a good one even though it's already happened. he's already packed away his materials, and the only thing left is the sketchbook around the time that yoongi's next words reach him. yoongi hoping he'll be able to see what it is that jungkook was working on. yoongi wanting that, genuinely. yoongi offering to buy him something to drink, and jungkook pauses, looks up, feels the fluster coming over him all over again.

"oh! um, actually.." he starts, tripping over his words only slightly, a sheepish, embarrassed sort of smile already coming over his expression before everything even makes its way out. "i don't really like coffee. but, um, i heard it's pretty good here, so you should get whatever you want!" it's true, jungkook has never cared much for the taste of it, but he still enjoys coming here from time to time to work, to study, to take in the atmosphere and maybe indulge in something sweet every now and then, depending on the day.

It's cute, how Jungkook talks exactly how he types. Or rather, his texts are exactly how he sounds in real life. He doesn't have to put on anything to appear a certain way--he's just naturally adorable, which is becoming that much more obvious the more he goes on. Yoongi doesn't quite get how his smile can still look so brilliant even when he's embarrassed, clearly trying to gloss over the fact that he's not a coffee drinker. The honest response surprises him for a second, until he realizes that no, he hasn't heard Jungkook ever talk about liking it, huh? It's always about telling Yoongi not to drink too much. Asking what's in an Americano. Complimenting Yoongi's tastes because it sounds like a cool, mature drink. Which can really only mean one thing--Jungkook most likely chose this coffee shop because he knew Yoongi would like it, not for his own sake.

Cute. More than cute, but Yoongi settles on that one for now, lips twitching into another soft smile. Jungkook is a sweet kid, and Yoongi's not about to let him off that easy. "How about a different drink?" he offers instead, undeterred, his hand moving to rest gently, unconsciously at the small of Jungkook's back. Fingers graze the thin material of his T-shirt as he turns to face the counter once more, nudging the younger boy along. "Come on, let's find something you like."

jungkook suddenly feels like maybe it was kind of stupid that he didn't think about this until now. when he suggested the place for them to meet, he honestly hadn't really been thinking of himself. he had been thinking of yoongi, how he knows that he likes drinking coffee, how during the times that he had been here, watching people come in and out with their drinks, they had always looked nice. he had been thinking about the atmosphere of the place, how it always makes him feel calm and good and relaxed, how it's small and cozy and seems to suit everything that makes him think of yoongi. it just feels right, the two of them being here together, even despite the embarrassment and lingering shyness that jungkook just can't seem to shake off.

he doesn't understand it, the way that yoongi can make him feel nervous and yet entirely at ease all at the same time. his heart skips a beat (or maybe more than just one), starts to rabbit in his chest, to thump faster with the way that yoongi smiles at him, the gentle graze of fingers near the small of his back, guiding him to come up to the counter. and it feels .. nice. it feels natural. feels like any worries jungkook might have had about anything at all are melting away effortlessly, leaving him looking up at the menu behind the counter for a long few moments, chewing at his lower lip almost absently before finally giving a soft "um.. maybe hot chocolate?"

Yoongi's more than aware of how accommodating Jungkook can be, even about the smallest of things. And while some of that is very likely just his nature, just who he is, Yoongi wonders if it also has something to do with those vulnerabilities safely tucked away inside of him, the ones Yoongi has slowly, surely started to get more acquainted with over all these months. Jungkook isn't exactly used to outright saying what it is he wants or voicing his desires. It's something Yoongi's tried helping him with, and he's been proud of the moments when the younger boy was honest with himself. But he understands how hard it can be--especially at that age, especially when wrestling with your sexuality, especially when the world seems determined to keep you in a particular box regardless of your feelings. It's certainly a lot to hold onto. It's even harder when you're going through it alone.

Maybe it seems simple, but Yoongi has always thought that even the small, everyday choices can make a difference in building confidence. Choosing what you want for lunch isn't exactly groundbreaking, but it's still working that muscle, practicing that skill--and Yoongi wants to encourage that. Jungkook speaking up for himself, and not worrying about what someone else might think, is important. Yoongi patiently waits as he watches those big eyes peruse the menu, nodding encouragingly at the answer that still seems a little uncertain. "Sure. You hungry too? You can get whatever you want." Yoongi taps at the glass with his free hand, pointing out some puff pastry with chocolate swirls while the other hand continues to linger protectively at Jungkook's back. "Whatever that thing is, I definitely need it."

accepting himself is something that jungkook simply hasn't quite gotten around to. not yet, anyway. and it isn't as if he doesn't like himself. it isn't any of the typical things that might plague the mind of others his age. for jungkook, it's rooted in all of the other things - in the way he's always liked the look of things that are softer, prettier. the way that there's something about the idea of being small, of being taken care of, of putting himself entirely at the mercy of someone else that's always been appealing, for as long as he can remember. he's never stepped foot in it before, never had the courage or really the opportunity to even try to dip his toe in the water. but then he met yoongi, and now he's really met yoongi and, well. it's ridiculous, it's too much and he knows that it is, but jungkook also thinks that he can't help it, really can't help feeling even more like he wants this than he already did.

those aren't the kinds of things that need to be coming up now, though. those aren't the things that he should be feeling, so he wills it back down, unaware of (or maybe he simply doesn't care too much about) the way that he shifts just a bit closer to yoongi, far too comfortable underneath his gentle, reassuring touch, underneath the way that he's already offering, already taking care of jungkook so effortlessly, even in such small ways. he's falling into it all too easily, all too readily, and every time he becomes aware of it his heart skips another beat. it makes it a little bit difficult to focus on the task at hand, but yoongi sets him at ease just the same way that he always does. at ease enough that eventually, after a few moments of thoughtful silence following a soft laugh that bubbles up at yoongi's words, jungkook points out one of the sweets on his own - an iced banana bread. "i think this one sounds nice."

Yoongi shouldn't keep watching him so much--like he's doing right now, lingering as the younger boy takes in all the treats underneath his fingertips, as sweet as his expression. As sweet as the little laugh Yoongi coaxed out of him, body relaxing a little further into his side. He can't help it, though. Jungkook looks so good from every angle, and he looks especially nice like this, close enough that Yoongi notices something just below the boy's bottom lip. That has to be the tiniest beauty mark he's ever seen, and is he really finding moles adorable now? When they're Jungkook's, apparently. He supposes that's where he's at now. "Yeah," he nods again once the kid has made his selection. The banana bread makes him smile, remembering the taste of Jungkook's beloved drink, and yeah, he should have guessed. "It does sound nice."

Yoongi pays for everything, drinks and sweets passed over the counter just like that. The only job Jungkook has is being responsible for his little plate of bread, Yoongi carrying over the hot paper cups, napkins, and cake a moment later. And then it's just them sitting at the table. Them facing each other with no other distractions, nothing really but time itself. Yoongi's train back to Daegu doesn't leave until later tonight, the day stretched out and free ahead of them. He settles back comfortably in his chair, taking a sip of his coffee. It's the same one he has most mornings, and it makes things feel a little more real. Yet the words that first reach out are "I still can't believe this is actually happening. Me being here with you...just being able to do this." He looks around the quiet coffee shop for a moment, before his gaze comes back home with Jungkook once again. "Though we're really not that far away from each other, are we?"

it's probably some kind of blessing that jungkook doesn't really notice just how much yoongi is watching him, how much the older man's gaze keeps lingering on him. at least, not while they're at the counter, not while he's preoccupied with other things. he can't help but wonder to himself if he should speak up, if he should offer to pay for his half of the bill, if it's rude to simply allow yoongi to cover everything, as though it's expected. but then - he has to keep reminding himself that this is different. that yoongi is different. and luckily he's talked himself into relaxing about it all once again by the time they're making their way back over to their table, settling with everything, getting comfortable.

yoongi has been here for a few minutes now. they've already had their initial greeting. they've already talked, they've been spending time together, and yet there's a part of jungkook that almost feels like it's the beginning all over again, now that they're sitting across from each other like this, really settled, with nothing else. he's torn between staring at yoongi and being unable to make eye contact, a flush persistent on his cheeks no matter how much he wills it to go away. it feels impossible, suddenly, this entire thing. yoongi feels impossible. and yet it feels like one of the nicest, most normal, natural things he's ever done. it feels good, just like yoongi always makes him feel, even as he simply sits there, not yet touching anything on the table, nodding a little in response to yoongi's words. "it's not really that far at at all, i guess ... i never even thought about it until you said you wanted to come!"

He's right--it really isn't that far. It always seemed far away in the silences between their conversations, during late nights when the bright, sunny pop of a message made Yoongi practically dive into his phone, a little too eager and a lot too smitten for his own good. In those moments Jungkook seemed almost impossibly far. He wasn't close enough to settle that thing inside of Yoongi's chest. He wasn't close enough to touch. Now that he is Yoongi doesn't quite know what to do about it--though he has no doubt in his mind that reaching across the small table and simply touching Jungkook's fingers, holding them in his own hand, as basic as feeling the younger boy here with him, would probably get his heart stuttering. It'd also probably freak the kid out before Yoongi even has a chance to properly say how he feels. And that's something he definitely doesn't want to mess up.

So it's better to keep his hands steady on the warm cup, better to keep his tone light. Not brimming with any expectations. Just being able to talk with Jungkook like this is more than what he could have ever hoped for. "Well luckily for me you said yes," Yoongi smiles, something almost shy in the way he strokes the hair at the back of his neck, dark strands just covering his eyes. They look up at the younger boy, softly teasing. "Even though you somehow thought I was joking. Twice."

it's funny, how even after jungkook found out just how close they were to each other, yoongi hadn't actually felt any closer. in a lot of ways, from day one, even though jungkook was the first one to reach out and make contact, yoongi had always felt so far out of his reach. even conversing with him online seemed like such a long shot, such an impossibility. he would have been lucky, so lucky just to get a response or two, a hint of some kind of acknowledgement here or there. he never could have imagined what they've walked into instead. this kind of easy friendship, yoongi making videos just for him, regularly making him feel all kinds of ridiculous, irrational things. the kinds of things he definitely shouldn't feel about someone who's one of his friends. but, well. jungkook just can't really help himself.

it's even harder to think about helping himself with yoongi right here, like this. still sitting right across from him, looking the way that he does, with a slight tease in his eyes regardless of the dark hair threatening to fall over them. it makes jungkook's heart skip a beat, maybe two, and without even giving him a chance to think nervous laughter bubbles up, a mixture of genuine shy amusement and embarrassment evident in his own gaze just before it drops. "i dunno, i just. i guess i wasn't sure .. why you'd want to travel, and stuff. just to meet me. you know?" he shrugs slightly, almost like its an absentminded gesture alongside the way he's fidgeting a little with his fingers, caught up in staring down at them.

It still takes Yoongi aback, that he can actually hear Jungkook laugh instead of imagining it in the backdrop, see the flustered, amused, shy expressions flicker across his face instead of cutesy emojis. He likes the sound of it, a lot actually, but he doesn't like the twinge of doubt lacing through the younger boy's hesitant words. He doesn't like the way his voice becomes questioning, as though the thought of Yoongi wanting to meet Jungkook and spend time with him was just beyond the realm of possibility. Or maybe still is. Yoongi can feel himself softening at the way he suddenly turns his attention to his fingers, fidgeting instead of meeting his gaze. And, well, maybe Jungkook doesn't exactly think this way anymore--but Yoongi isn't going to leave that to chance. "Do you remember when you told me that you wished you could see me after the New Year? Or when you would wish we could do things together in person?"

Yoongi leans forward, crossed elbows resting comfortably on the table as he positions himself a little closer to the boy across him. There's a slight tilt to his head, as if he's gently coaxing Jungkook out of worries that have no business mixing around in his head in the first place. "I had all those thoughts too," he continues on, as honest as the way he's been with Jungkook for months. As sincere as he always wants to be with him. "For a long time, actually. I'd travel a lot farther than this to meet a good friend. Especially a good friend like you."

it's not a secret that this is something that jungkook has struggled with throughout the length of their friendship, and he knows that. it's something he's spent perhaps a little bit too much time thinking about now and again, something he used to worry and feel guilt over much more frequently than he does now. because it's also something that yoongi has helped him with, in that way of his, always coaxing him into feeling better about himself, into feeling good, into being comfortable with it all. it's yet another thing to add on to the endless list of things that jungkook is grateful to yoongi for, and he's sure that he'll never get used to it.

especially not whenever yoongi is doing things like this, when he's reassuring him the very same way that he's done so many times before, only this time he's sitting right across from him. this time he's looking right at him, leaning closer, and jungkook can't resist looking up at him, studying him while he speaks, just like he can't resist the smile that creeps over his expression. the warmth that starts up and slowly spreads through him, how he nods slightly, relaxes a little bit. "i know," he says first, and then seems to catch himself a little, eyes widening and flush coming right back to his cheeks as he backtracks. "i mean! just. i know we're both friends, you know. we both like being friends. i know that's enough to be important. i mean, i really .. i'm really glad that you're my friend, so..." he trails off a little bit, clearly rambling and clearly embarrassed but otherwise unsure of what else to do about it.

More than anything, Yoongi wants Jungkook to know that he wasn't alone in those thoughts--that he still isn't alone. Yoongi's every bit as happy about this as the younger boy is. He wanted this get together just as much. And he isn't bluffing about the travel either, because the thing is he probably would have gone just about anywhere if it meant they could meet at least once. They just happened to be lucky, being only a couple hours apart. Yoongi can see the way Jungkook visibly relaxes as he goes on, his own expression softening into something that sparks his curiosity, and maybe something else. But before Yoongi can think too much about it, Jungkook interrupts himself, suddenly flustered and stuttering out some explanation he’s only half paying attention to.

Half paying attention because regardless of his own confusion about why it happened in the first place, Jungkook sure looks cute being embarrassed. Yoongi tries, and fails, to keep his fond smile in check as he watches the kid try to explain something even he seems unsure of. If he says friend one more time his blush might actually reach up to his ears, Yoongi thinks idly as he looks on in amusement. When the kid seems to lose some steam Yoongi steps in with a me too before gently pushing Jungkook’s banana bread a little closer to him. “Let’s enjoy while they're still fresh, hm?” It's half to ease his own hunger and half to give Jungkook’s nervous energy something to settle down on. Poor kid looks like he needs it.

jungkook feels like it's entirely possible that he's going to give himself whiplash at this point, swinging back and forth between feeling so relaxed and then jumping into something closer to the exact opposite without any real grasp on exactly what it is that's causing it. all he knows is that he doesn't have control over it. he's never really had control over it, over himself, over the way that he feels whenever yoongi is talking to him, no matter what the medium or the context. his heart beating out of control, his face heating up, getting nervous and tripping over his words - those are all things that he's used to. only it's usually through the relative comfort of text messages, where yoongi doesn't actually see him, where jungkook has the time to at least try and formulate something a bit more cohesive instead of stammering out things that only half make sense.

in a way, it's a comfort in itself when yoongi distracts him by directing his attention to the bread that he bought for him just a matter of minutes ago, pushing it closer. it's probably lucky all over again that jungkook is a little too caught up in his own mini almost-panic to even notice the way that yoongi was looking at him, so he finds himself nodding along easily, letting his gaze drop back down to the treat, one that he doesn't entirely have the stomach for when it's still so full of butterflies, but that doesn't mean he won't try. there's no hesitation in the way that he reaches to pull off a bite sized piece of it and carefully pop it into his mouth, making a contented little sound before he even realizes that it's fallen from his lips, and immediately going back to pull off another piece. "i can't believe i've never actually tried anything here before... when i come here, it's usually just to draw.'

Yoongi's already satisfied when Jungkook easily takes to the small distraction, breaking off a small piece of bread at his suggestion, but he isn't exactly expecting the kind of reaction he has afterwards. Sure, he's always enjoyed taking care of those close to him--it's part of the reason why assuming dominant roles in relationships has come so effortlessly for him--but it's not as if he gets this way with his friends. Jungkook is a friend, as the boy so eloquently stammered out ten seconds ago, but it's clearly different. This feeling is clearly different. Something warm pulls at Yoongi watching the younger boy so obviously enjoy the banana bread. Knowing that he bought something that pleased Jungkook, knowing that he's helping to feed him, seeing him eat so well at all with that cute little sound, brings a deeper satisfaction. Something he craves. And on top of all that Yoongi helped him do something he's never done before.

"Really? That's some self-discipline." Yoongi breaks himself from his thoughts so he can take a fork to his own pastry. The fluffy chocolate bread tastes as good as it looks, and it doesn't take long for him to dive into it. His own nerves this morning had made it difficult to eat, and now his body is quickly catching up to that fact. "Speaking of drawing--" Yoongi swipes a thumb across his lower lip, catching a smear of whipped cream. "I'm curious what you were working on before, if you feel up to sharing." Whatever it was, Jungkook had been concentrating so hard, practically hunched over his sketchpad. Having the chance to actually view some of his work up close, in person, is just too tempting.

jungkook gets a few more bites into his bread without thinking too much about it, more caught up in how much he enjoys the taste of the sweet treat than even trying to worry about eating in front of yoongi. it's just that something about the older man, the parts of him that continue to make jungkook feel so completely and totally at ease without him even realizing it. jungkook is blissfully unaware of anything that might be going through yoongi's mind, caught up in watching him try out his own choice of dessert, pleased enough that it seems like he enjoys it even if he doesn't verbalize it in the same way. his gaze lingers for a little too long on yoongi's mouth even if he doesn't entirely realize it, thoughts momentarily tripping over things that he definitely shouldn't be thinking, not helped at all by the way that yoongi reaches to swipe some forgotten whipped cream off of his lips.

there's a flush settled back nicely on his cheeks by the time that yoongi keeps up the conversation, mentions that he's curious about seeing what it is that jungkook was working on. and it surprises jungkook, though he realizes a moment later that it really probably shouldn't. yoongi has always been curious, always been interested in his art. jungkook has been showing him pictures of so many things, the prospect of showing him something up close, the real thing, has him both excited and nervous all at once. "oh! sure, i mean, of course, why not?" he rubs his hands together for a moment to dust off any lingering bread crumbs and then reaches for his bag, rustling around for just a moment before pulling out a small sketchbook and opening it up to the right page, offering it to yoongi. "it's not much - i mean, the main sketchbook i use is bigger, this one is just good for when i'm out or on the go or something. just for doodling stuff that comes to mind, you know."

Yoongi feels that same spark of excitement when Jungkook nods his okay, quickly turning to his bag and producing a small sketchbook a few moments later. The way Jungkook introduces it, he's expecting to see some cute, light-handed doodles, but the page he shows Yoongi is something else entirely. His eyes widen slightly at the realistic, intricately sketched lily taking up the whole page. Sometimes Yoongi forgets this about Jungkook, until he sees his latest work posted online. Sometimes Yoongi forgets that this kid, who seems to express himself so timidly and clumsily around him more often than not, can turn around and produce the most stunning pieces as if it's as easy as breathing. Right here, the flower looks so steady, so alive. This was done by the same hand that had wrung nervously at the thought of Yoongi visiting him, the same would that hugged him back, that sent him all those shy, sweet messages for months. It's kind of incredible when he thinks about it like that.

And yet at the same time, the beauty on the page is completely expected, because everything that Jungkook makes is beautiful. Yoongi's always been fascinated by his way of capturing life, perhaps even more so than the technical skill involved. The best art, in his humble opinion, is the art that simply makes you feel something. That moves you in some way. And Yoongi can confidently say that he's felt something every single time with Jungkook. "This is really impressive, Jungkookie. Did you just draw this from memory?" Yoongi can't help but ask, his tone incredulous as he brushes over the lily leaves with the pads of his fingers, tracing the spotted design.

it's a strange feeling, jungkook thinks, because yoongi has seen so much of his work. he's seen so many little things that he's posted throughout the last few months, such a range of different abilities, subject matters - even if most of it always does tend to come back to flowers, in one way or another. but still, jungkook has never actually seen yoongi look at any of his work. he's never seen the kind of reaction that it pulls, has never been able to get that side of it all. so he finds himself looking at his expression without even realizing it, only to pull his gaze away with something like a shy little shrug as soon as yoongi speaks up, his cheeks starting to heat up and it's hard to tell if it's from the praise or from the small, affectionate way that yoongi just said his name.

"yeah. i mean, it's just a really simple kind of sketch, really! but, um, thank you. i mean, i'm glad you like it." he pauses for a moment, and then seems to remember something before he can go off on another embarrassed ramble, turning to reach and scavenge through his bag once again. he produces a folder a moment later, a simple, cutely colored manila file that he offers to yoongi as well. "this is um, that piece that i made for you? the one with the heart and everything. just.. i mean, if you wanted it. i said i'd like to give it you, since it's yours, so..."

The answer doesn't exactly surprise Yoongi, nor the casual way Jungkook brushes past it, as if it's a small matter--but still. Not using a picture to base this off of, no other frame of reference besides what he already had in mind? It's still incredible to him. He supposes that's just the kind of artist Jungkook is, humble with what he clearly excels in, and Yoongi warms to that just as much as the small, pleased thank you. It's nice to be able to properly praise Jungkook like this in person, so much more gratifying than a few short lines in person. He still feels bad in a way about the gift he had shown Yoongi all those weeks ago, how stilted Yoongi felt in his expression of gratitude. What Jungkook did for him was worth more than a simple thank you over text--

And then, by some crazy stroke of coincidence, Jungkook is reaching back in his bag for that very same piece. Yoongi's heart does a little somersault, watching the younger boy place a pretty pastel file in his hands, his words trailing off in that same shy, skittish way he's slowly becoming more used to. This time Yoongi knows exactly what's inside, there's no guessing, but the artwork still manages to still everything else around him. There's the heart, beautifully intricate, grounded in reality--and the imaginative, larger-than-life creations spilling out. Everything blooming, unable to be contained. Everything hopeful. The right words still don't come to him, sitting there holding what is certainly the best gift he's ever received. Even the way it's packaged is thoughtful, Jungkook placing it in protective casing, carrying it inside something cute, with such care. "You--you're honestly a really great artist," he finally manages, for the first time today finding his own words a little clumsy. Maybe even flustered. He looks back up at Jungkook, a gummy smile just coming through. "I don't have any art at home and this--I love it even more now. Thank you. I'll have to send you a picture when I put it up."

for a split second, jungkook wonders if maybe it's too much. maybe it's a little bit odd, to suddenly produce something like that, to actually be handing it over to yoongi without actually asking whether or not he would want it first. but those worries barely last, don't even have any time at all to stick before something else is pushing them right back out of the way because, no. jungkook knows yoongi better than that. this is the same yoongi that he's been talking about for months. it's the same yoongi that he's had so many conversations with, who's talked to him about his art so many times. the same yoongi who takes a few moments to look at the piece all over again before stuttering slightly over an answer, smiling in a way that makes jungkook's heart somersault more violently, that makes his stomach flutter with a particularly active round of butterflies, that instantly makes him wish it was something that he could see more of.

he doesn't even realize that his own face is heating up all over again, smile stretching over his expression, both shy and pleased, excited all at once. "oh, i'm - um, thank you! i'm just .. glad that you still like it. really. and that.. i can actually give it to you. and - oh! one more thing!" he reaches for the bag yet one more time, a little bit more rustling, this time leading him to produce the small, miniature canvas decorated with a galaxy that he had painted, once again while thinking of yoongi, and sent him a picture of for the new year. "um, i thought maybe, if you wanted this one, too - you could have it. i mean, you don't have to take them! but, you know." he's caught up in a ramble again, another shy shrug following his words, almost as if he's gone from pleased at the praise and gratefulness from yoongi to unsure of himself all over again in less than a matter of minutes.

Objectively it's pretty funny, the sense of deja vu as Jungkook suddenly hops back into his bag, rummaging around for yet another item--and if Yoongi weren't so happy and flustered he may have started laughing at how ridiculous this probably looks to everyone else around them. Jungkook may as well have a bottomless bag of art for him (which, in all honesty, Yoongi would not have any problem with). He's still admiring the heart drawing when Jungkook offers him the smaller piece, a miniature galaxy painted on canvas--his endearing Happy New Year to Yoongi. It's simpler than the drawing but no less mesmerizing, blues and purples bursting across the frame so prettily. Seeing the pieces together in his lap just has the smile stretching wider across Yoongi's face. Thankfully the jitteriness have settled in his chest, now just left with the same warm feeling that's been lingering for a while now.

The question that's been on his mind for months is already on the tip of his tongue, even as he thanks Jungkook again mid-ramble, laughter low in his throat. Of course he wants it, he reassures. He wants to keep everything that Jungkook gives him. The thought of bringing back even a small piece of Jungkook to his home, the place he lives and works, and then works some more...it's something that selfishly feels right. Like Jungkook's influence should already belong there anyway. Like Yoongi can have some part of him close by. It's a strange thing to think, so Yoongi thanks him again, voice a little quieter now, gentler with the fresh wave of nerves coming over the younger boy again. "--have you ever given someone your artwork before?"

there's no rhyme or reason to it, really - it just happens. jungkook can't control it, the way that he gets nervous here and there, the way that it rises and then spikes without seeming to have any particular trigger. maybe it's just the fact that he can't help but continually notice the fact that yoongi is here, right here with him, every so often. maybe it's the feeling that comes from seeing all the reactions to his artwork up close and in person, the way that the anxieties curve and then get resolved so easily, almost effortlessly, with the way that yoongi accepts everything so genuinely, whole heartedly, the way that it just keeps him smiling like that. it almost makes jungkook wish that he had brought something more, that maybe he had thought to do something, make something else for him - a surprise, something to give yoongi that he hadn't actually seen through pictures before. but then, this is probably enough for now, he tells himself, and maybe there will be more times like this, more chances to give yoongi things if he wants them, more opportunities to make him smile like that, to feel this kind of unique satisfaction settle right down into the middle of his chest.

it's enough to get jungkook to stop rambling, at least, just hearing yoongi laugh like that, the way that he reassures him, seeing how genuine his expression is and knowing there absolutely isn't one reason in the world why he shouldn't trust him. that's all before the question comes, gentler, and jungkook considers for a moment before responding. "actually, i've never thought about it until you just said that, but .. no, i haven't. this is the first time. and when i drew that other piece for you.. that was the first time i did something like that, too." he smiles, almost a little bit sheepishly, like he's unsure what the reaction to that information will be. "i really liked doing it though! it was nice, both of them. i figured i'd have to get the chance to give them to you one day."

Yoongi has a feeling he already knows the answer to his question. But he's still curious when that thoughtful look crosses Jungkook's face, when he actually seems to consider that question to himself quietly. He looks cute. Jungkook is just insanely cute, even more so now that Yoongi has all of him to consider now. His response is just as cute, but something about the way he offers that slow confession, smiling all shy, admitting to drawing like that for the first time essentially because of Yoongi...it makes him feel weak in a way he's not used to. Yoongi meets his smile softly even as the rest of him sort of malfunctions at the truth. So Jungkook really doesn't do this with other people, lavishing his time and effort on them in the form of intricate works of art. That has to mean something, doesn't it? Yoongi's sure that it does. Didn't every single video he's ever dedicated to Jungkook?

It's only then that he realizes how close he is to the younger boy. Jungkook had moved his chair a little closer to help hand off the art, and Yoongi had unconsciously leaned in, pulling his own chair forward. Suddenly he's very aware of the fact that their bodies seem like they're being pulled inward, gazes locked like a pair of infatuated schoolboys. Yoongi forces himself to look back down at the art for a moment, perhaps a beat too late, but he doesn't lean back--not quite yet. "The trip was already worth it for you," he says honestly. "But even more so because of these. I feel a little empty-handed."

jungkook can't help wondering suddenly whether or not it's strange, this whole thing - is it strange? did yoongi ask him that because it's strange? at this point, he's more than likely to give himself whiplash with how much he's going back and forth, calm and sure of himself one second, completely at a loss for much of anything at all the next. it's borderline ridiculous and he's aware of it, but, well - that's simply how he is. no, that's simply what yoongi does to him. jungkook knows that. he's known it for a long time now, and the fact that they're here, in person, that yoongi is right in front of him, well - it's only expected that it would mean it's even harder to shake off, right?

because it is. it's hard to shake off feeling any kind of nervous, to ward off the butterflies when it seems that anything that yoongi does, says, any hint of a smile from the older man is enough to send them off into a tizzy all over again. it's probably a good thing that jungkook doesn't become entirely aware of just how close they are, that they've simply been sitting here, gazes locked onto one another for perhaps a little bit too long until it's already broken, and yoongi's next words are distracting him from having any kind of extreme reaction to it. instead, jungkook is focused on shaking his head immediately. "no, no! please don't feel like that - really, i don't. i don't want you to feel obligated or guilty or something because of them! i just. wanted to give them to you, since i had the chance. i mean, meeting you like this is.." is more than enough, he wants to say. is better than any gift i could ever receive from anyone, is exactly what i've been wanting for months now. instead, the words seem to stutter and die off on his tongue, far too embarrassed and suddenly self aware to get them out, the flush coming back to burn even more insistently at his cheeks.

Yoongi's starting to get to use to these skittish moments Jungkook falls into every few minutes, the pattern in them. The younger boy is shy by nature of course, but this sort of flustered energy seems to be especially triggered by the subject of them, even in the context of being friends. If there's even another context at all. In all honesty, Yoongi can't fault him for the nerves, because it's the same thing he's been wondering about a lot on his own lately. He knows it isn't fair to not talk with Jungkook about it, to not share what he's feeling and thinking about him, but...well. Yoongi watches with a little quirk to his lips as the younger boy rushes through his words only to trail off quietly. The thought is left unfinished, but Yoongi can pretty much fill in the rest. He knows it was going to be a sweet sentiment.

But what if Jungkook doesn't find what Yoongi wants to say to be just sweet sentiments? What if it's actually too much to deal with? Yoongi can't shake off the persistent urge he has to protect Jungkook, despite the equally strong urge to just lay it all out on the table. Having calm, honest conversations is best, he's told the boy before. Always. "I understand," he says gently, catching on the boy's blush, "and thank you again." Yoongi reaches out across the table with the drawing and painting, carefully offering them back. "Could you still keep them in your bag for now? I don't wanna mess them up by carrying them around uncovered." Because he hopes they'll have the chance to do more today. Because he wants to do as much as possible with Jungkook at his side. It's a much more neutral topic to turn to now, and maybe that's for the best. Yoongi clears his throat, picking up his Americano before immediately thinking better of it. It's gone completely cold. "So, was there anything else you wanted to do today?"

Edited 2018-01-14 18:34 (UTC)

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